Welcome to my blog, 2012.
Um, I'm pregnant.
HOORAY!! I love being pregnant. In addition to the "normal happy mommy" reasons for bliss, I would like to add these additional personal reasons of my own:
1. I get to be fat without feeling guilty or ugly about it.
2. Stretchy Maternity PANTS!!
3. I get to live in pajama/sweatpants for almost a year while I swell and deflate.
4. My hubby is more inclined to give me Squeezie Feets.
So, just to get y'all up to speed, we're still in Maryland, Ronin is picking up new words right and left, Mike is dropping his officer packet, and I'm almost 9 weeks preggers.
Now on to the fun stuff!!!!!!
I thought a lot about what Maturity is today.
Maturity: Buying the Pop-Tart flavors that my toddler likes instead of the flavors that I want.
Maturity: Only eating one helping of fried rice instead of 5 because I'm eating for One and One Fetus and not One and One Litter.
Maturity: Being okay with myself for only having two solid examples of personal maturity.
The next few things I've been saving up. I have this tiny notebook that I'm pretty sure I yoinked from work several years ago that I write things down in. So the next segment is just a couple random quotes from my average day, or normal thoughts that traipse through my skull-goo.
*Krista (holding bras up, speaking to Mike's turned back): "Lacy Sexy titslings!"
Mike (turning around): "Titslings?! I had to turn around to see what they were. I was imagining little creatures that had sprouted from your breasts... you know.... Tit-lings."
*It's not playful if it makes me cry inside. (Mike's rebuttal- yes it is!)
*Is it mold... or Jalapeno?
*But I was doing my Barrel of Monkeys dance... and you stopped me mid-Barrel of Monkeys dance...
*I think you'd be hard pressed to get Jesus to pick your boogers for you.
*There's nothing more frightening than someone threatening you with a knife while you're trying to purchase a feminine hygiene product.
*Dear Hulk Hogan,
Please tell me what kind of shampoo and conditioner you use because I envy your luxurious silken fur.
Here are my predictions for 2012, because I'm like 1/2,586,432 Mayan or something.
1) Tori Spelling, the Perpetually Pregnant woman, will be the next "20 kids and counting"/Octomom.
2) I feel another "The Hulk" movie remake coming on...
3) Funk is going to make a full come-back this year. Just funk... in general. The normal kind.
4) Georgia will continue to suck.
5) President Obama will fart audibly in public.
6) So will Ke$ha, although that will probably be the least disgusting thing she'll do in public all year.
7) I will be back to my pre-preggo weight by December 31st!
8) Lindsay Lohan will completely spiral out of control, while Mary-Kate Olsen recovers and gets healthy (I'm rooting for you, MK!)
9) My chest hair will finally grow in.
10) I will get you to envision how I would look in a swim suit with massive amounts of chest hair pouring out of it.
Hey, I didn't say they'd be important predictions or anything.
time for some Lucky Charms.