Let's get weird.

It's always difficult for me to find a way to dive into these posts.
I guess a non-descript awkward intro is as good as any.

Since we last..... heard.... from my brain i was 17 weeks pregnant and all hopped up on ambien. Well, if one CAN be hopped up on ambien. It might be more accurate to say i was getting sloppy and fizzling out on ambien. that sounds better.

long story short, i had a baby GIRL (Teva) about 3 weeks ago, pregnancy sucks a bag of soggy moldy warthog dicks, and the only thing keeping me from spiraling into drunken self-loathing/medicating is the staunch fact that the alcohol would pass into my breast milk.

it's a thin, thin line to walk but i do because i want what's best for my little girl.

there is plenty of time for me to be self destructive after the kids leave for college. or the army.

it's interesting, not being pregnant anymore. some things are the same:
1) I'm still waaaaaayyy fatter than i care to be.
2) my feet and knees still hurt.
3) none of my shirts fit.
4) i can forget about looking cute, too.
5) i still have to give myself shots everyday.

some things are different:
1) my boobs are ginormous. epic, even. seriously. one of my boobs is about twice the size of my infant's head. what is that even about, body?
2) i no longer crave iced, apple-filled donuts everyday. now it's every other minute.
3) from the waist up i look like.... a slightly thicker/voluptuous version of myself.
4) from the waist down i look like a thickly scarred mistake of a train wreck of a humanoid.


so, let's just say i don't feel very attractive lately.


turns out, surprise surprise, that it's harder to bounce back from a subsequent pregnancy than it is the first one.

case and point (case in point?), i looked back through my Facebook posts too after i had my first kiddo (Ronin), just to see what my weight loss progress had been around two weeks postpartum.

i should NOT have done that. something tells me that it isn't fair to judge my current body by my younger body's standards, but it's still hard to not feel inadequate when i see that last time I'd lost 40 pounds at this point instead of my measly 16.

meh. whatever.

postpartum depression sucks a pee-stained roach bespeckled rug.

wow. 3 weeks of getting less than 4 hours of sleep at one time is turning me into a really bitchy-witchy.

there we go. maybe that made you smile.

here's something...

Mr. Alexander Skarsgard of True Blood (he plays Eric Northman), was in Zoolander. Don't believe me? Does ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO ring some bells?

but then again, of COURSE Alexander Skarsgard is in Zoolander; he's really really really really really ridiculously good-looking.

to use my husband's method of ranking hotness- Alexander Skarsgard would get it. yeeeeaaaaaaapp.

well, it's time to feed my new Tiny Human. and even though he says "no Mommy, I all clean", i KNOW Ronin has a diaper that needs some attention.

so i hope this is good for now. aaaaaaaaaannd maybe it won't take me 22 weeks to write my next post.


pish.