I had to say something or i'd burst.

It happened again.

We're supposed to bring each other happiness, love, peace, but there is so much hurt in the way.

Will it always be this hard?

Will I always feel less and less important, less beautiful, less loved every time?

I feel gutted.

I feel humiliated.

I feel like a huge, fat, worthless, stupid  disappointment.

Maybe it's my fault? I've been broken for so long. I've been terribly overweight for so long. Maybe that's why he looks elsewhere. Maybe that's why he hides. Why he strays. Why he collects women more attractive than me.

But how am I supposed to deal with it? How can I not feel like I'm worse at so many things when I see his ideal women? I judge myself. I find myself lacking.

Maybe I will just never be enough for him. Maybe I will always have to live with that painful realization.

Why do I stay?
Why do I remain fully faithful?

This... thing... that happens, it makes me want to do the same thing. To cause pain. To cause hurt, feelings of hopelessness, of inadequacy. But my nature holds me back. I'm devoted.

Hopelessly devoted.