Birthiversary of Death

usually, i take an entire week surrounding September the 9th in order to properly celebrate my general awesomeness, and the fact that i've been on this Earth shedding my happy aura all over it for another glorious year.  because my birthday is BIGGER than just one day.  since Mike and i have been married, we rolled our anniversary and his birthday into this week long extravaganza; we got married September 10th, and his birthday is on the 14th.  we call it "Birthiversary Week". and it is an overwhelming 7 day expression of love, joy, happiness, and usually way too much sugar.

however.

this year, Birthiversary Sucked Ass. i very nearly died. it was nearly a class 7 catastrophe.  oh yeah. and Mike almost kicked off too.


i decided on the 7th to get some Wendy's for Mike and I for lunch; spicy chicken sandwiches - Mike's favorite thing to get at Wendy's.  i returned home from the restaurant triumphant, feeling all high and mighty and like the Best Wife Ever for getting Mike something delicious and surprising him.

we ate lunch. i had gotten some chicken nuggets in addition to my sandwich.  (enter ominous death music)

i ate one... it tasted funny. like the oil it had been cooked in was at least 8 months old and tainted with metal shavings. but somehow, i muscled through eating the rest of them, save one, which i pressured Mike into eating.

after we ate, Mike went back to work. i spent the next four hours feeling nauseated and having the familar urge to barf and barf thoroughly. Mike got home that evening, i handed off the child, and commenced to spraying the toilet bowl with my innards. this contined for several hours, me barfing, Mike making fun of me, telling me that i have a weak constitution and that i should toughen up, me barfing some more, me barfing into a bucket whilst breastfeeding my son (which takes a certain measure of finesse so as not to vomit on the child), Mike still making fun of me, and me barfing like a champ.

i got the boy in bed, and i had stopped spewing so i went to bed. after all, we had to fly out the next day. then Mike got sick. very loudly. for several hours. HAHAHAHHAHA. i was totally sympathetic while he was ralphing, but now it is hilarious. that's what he gets for taunting me and pointing and laughing while my diseased insides were exploding out of my mouth.

the next day, tired, dehydrated and weak, we hopped on the plane. then we hopped on another plane. sat on the tarmac for an hour before it decided to take off, then hopped on another plane. we got in around 1 am. it was STUPID how tired we were. 

the next day, my birthday, we went to my Great Grandmother's funeral. we spent all day it seemed like traveling in a tiny car. with no air conditioning. hell, with no air anything. just 6 people in a tiny sedan, moist, stuffy, cramped, and i got car sick. i felt like death warmed over all day.

the next day was our anniversary. we spent the day having our flight delayed, flying all day, and spending a three hour lay-over in Atlanta.

Ronin was an angel, of course, during all of this. thank God. because i think i might have had to disembowel myself with a sharpened rubix cube if he had been all sick and screamy.

but the trip eventually ended, we got back to Retard-o-Georgia and life is better now.

next year, Birthiversary Week better rock.


Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:

1. the most terrifying supernatural creature is the Werekitten. you know, like a werewolf but it's a kitten. a werekitten. think about it. one minute it's all "i'm cute and fluffy and batting your strings around" and the next it's ripping your limps from your bloody stump of a body and laughing madly in the moonlight.      terrifying.

2.  Ronin Sneaky Puked me today. i was carrying him around and we were singing silly songs and all of the sudden there's a fountain of used-to-be-milk all over my pants and right foot. and he just looks up at me and grins. the little rascal.

3.  i lost two pounds since last week. which is awesome. although i'm sitting here typing and stuffing my face with peanut m&ms.

4.  i got a new phone. for those of you that know me and my attatchment to my old phone, this is SHOCKING news.  i've had the same old broken cracked po-dunk phone now for four years. and i really didn't want to get rid of it. i called it Old Trusty. but Mike got a new awesome interwebs capable phone and i got one for free so.... yeah. i only accepted the new phone on the condition that we give Old Trusty a proper Viking Funeral. you know, the old phone in a shoe box, floating down a river, all aflame. Rest in Peace my old friend.

5.  my new phone is so awesome i want to make sweet sweet love making with it. or at least just cuddle it. probably just cuddle. don't want to put the moves on my new phone too quickly, can't have it thinking i'm a technology whore.

6.  i'm a very specific kind of telepathic. i can somehow, magically, tell what my husband wants to eat for lunch the next day, without him telling me, and i will eat it before he gets a chance to. then he will accuse me of "sabotaging" his lunchings, and i will deny his allegations, and then i'll make plans to eat something else and inevitably he will tell me after i've masticated it that he had deliberate plans to eat it.  it's a talent. Mike's awfully cute when he threatens to divorce me over little things like that.

7.  i've started having a cup of coffee a day.  i've joined millions of Americans and have purchased a coffee maker machine technology apparatus.  i now drug myself everyday.  i made this decision after several nights of waking up wayyyyyyy too often to soothe a crying child. specifically last night. he woke up EVERY HOUR AND A HALF. it was beyond ridiculous.  my son loves me.

8.  Mike destroyed yet ANOTHER pair of my glasses this week. my favorite sunglasses. that's why i call him the destroyer.  he dances joyfully in my tears.

9.  it's been nearly a month since my son has Ninja Peed on me. SUCCESS!!!!!

10.  birthdays aren't supposed to suck. it still feels like i haven't had one. Mike insisted that his was no big deal this year, which makes me feel kind of stupid and childish for getting so excited about mine.  i didn't even get a cupcake.



and y'all KNOW how i feel about cupcakes.