survey says...

so i decided to do one of those surveys that's floating out in cyber space.

i've got my headphones on, my itunes set to my current favorite songs (mostly from the Glee soundtracks, some Florence and The Machine, and i admit, a little Britney Spears), and one of my cats curled up at my feet.

it's go time.

Krista's Dumb Survey That I Found Floating About Wildly In CyberSpace:

1. What's your most favorite bumper sticker you've ever seen? It had 4 deformed smiley faces on it and it read "Discourage Inbreeding, Ban Country Music".  Kristen Rains knows what I'm talking about. We were 14ish and it was about the funniest thing we'd ever seen. I have yet to see one that tops it in both shock value and mirth.

2. Do you sing in the shower? Often and Poorly. Also I hold conversations with myself. I have to. If i get too bored i end up just standing there letting the water roll over me as i fall deeper and deeper into a vegetative state. that's how zombies are REALLY created.

3. Are you guilty of showing to much PDA? Don't be ridiculous. I hug and kiss and tiny-hump with reckless abandon. Why, just tonight i groped my husbands man-boobs quite vehemently at a Going Away/Get Together/Barbeque at a friend's house. I have no shame. Life is too short to be embarassed about cupping your husbands junk in public. Not that I do. Well, not that often anyways.

4. What's the best smell in the world?  My little baby boy after he's had Bathtime. He's all full of joy and reeks of Johnson's baby detergent or whatever it's called and it's just magical. Love my boy.

5. Which of your current friends have you known the longest? oh sheesh. um.... That'd be my JESSICA!!!she's about as goofy as i am, and that's what makes her a rock star.

6. Do you say Ca-RI-bbean or Carib-BE-an? RI. what a stupid question. who screens these?

7. Do you drip-dry after a shower/bath? No. i am not a dog. nor am i a wildebeest. also, i am not a child, raised by wolves, living amongst the lush flora of the tropics. i have a humongous bath SHEET, not towel, that i wrap around and around my person upon exiting the Cleansing Portal.

8. For toilet paper: Do you wad or fold it before use? I believe that we should Hybrid-itize everything. Therefore, i do both. i also charge my toilet paper, as well as fill it with premium gasoline. it's all about taking those baby steps towards a greener lifestyle.

9. What's the best animal to sing about in Old McDonald? WOMBATS. hands down. without a doubt. it just gets a tad tricky when you get to the part where you have to sing about the sound they make.... They definitely do not say "wombat wombat" as i have been informed.  i still hold that they might. it's not impossible; therefore it should not be discounted.  I'm not about to label wombats as lesser creatures that can't even say their own names.

10. If you could paint your room any way you want it, what would it look like? it would look like the inside of Candy Mountain. Complete with lickable paint. The Schnauzberries taste like Schnauzberries.

11. Have you ever flipped off your mother or father? never. I do not want to die.

12. Which of your closest friends would be easiest to date?  oh. um.... sheesh. uh.... MY HUSBAND!!!!! again, stupid question. i WILL smack you upside da hed.

13. Which of your closest friends would be hardest to date? ugh. this survey was clearly manufactured for 13 year olds. no offense to any 13 year old readers that i might possibly have out there in InterwebLand.

14. Do you have a favorite pair of underwear?  Absolutely i do. they're white (because white is my favorite...shade... to wear) and they have lace and little bows on the hips and say stuff all over them. i'd write what they say, but i can't remember and my Naughties Drawer is all the way over there and my bed is sooo comfy....

15. If so, what do they look like? oh. oops. um, let's just say you didn't skip number 14 because you were bored to thick, bloody tears.

16. Do you always use your turn signal? yes. so much in fact that i am becoming that Old Inept Woman Driver that leaves her turn signal on as she drives down the road, under the speed limit, not turning or having any intention to turn.

17. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? ooh. i have actually. maybe... 4 years ago? i'd never played before and i wanted to check it off of my bucket list. it got a little weird. we had the rule that the bottle landed where it landed, and you had to kiss the person it landed on, even if it was same sex. and there had to be tongue. and it had to be at least 3 seconds. oddly enough, the guys attacked it with gusto when it landed on another guy. it's always more fun when everyone commits, i suppose. winky smiley face.

18. Have you ever dated someone that your closest friend didn't approve of? dude, who cares.

19. Can you do a cartwheel? Hell yeah I can do a cartwheel. What kind of un-American theiving thug bunny-killer do you think i am? Of course i can do a f*cking cartwheel.

20. What time is it?  it always is and forever will be Hammer Time. Can't touch this. I'm too legit.

21. Do you ever check surveys for correct spelling and grammar? Life is also too short to worry about spelling and grammar when you're posting a survey just for shytes and giggles on your blog page that you keep up to entertain, and not make millions of dollars from. Also Capitalization. i'll make big letters when i FEEL like making big letters.

22. Did it bother you I ended a question with a preposition? Screw you and your preposition. though i admit that at first my brain read the word "proposition" and that i was puzzled for a moment thinking "hey,.... i didn't see any proposition..."

23. Do you know what a preposition is? A preposition is where you get too damn lazy to think of another thought provoking question so you start lecturing us all on parts of speech with a "holier than thou" attitude that is not appreciated and will no longer be tolerated. I'm going to find your house and write the word FART on all of your windows with superglue and gummy bears. you're welcome for the Permanent Delicious Treat.

24. Type of internet connection? i have one. why does it matter. doesn't just about everyone have cable these days? does anyone still dial up? leave me a comment if you do and i will send you a check so that you can have normal interwebs like the rest of us, you poor dears.

25. Did you ever play in boxes as a kid?  YES!!! we cut out windows and hung Fabric Scrap Curtains and drew furniture on the inner walls in chalk and just had the best time. screw these thousand dollar playhouses kids have nowadays. cardboard boxes are the shit.

26. Do you know anyone who doesn't like chocolate? my poor future sister in law Crystal. she's allergic. i weep for all that she's missing. although, she's hella skinnier than i am. so maybe i should find some Chocolate Death Allergic pills and get me some I-May-Die-If-I-Eat-This-Cheesecake in me.

27. What's the longest time you've gone without shaving your legs? let's see.... how many months was i pregnant and alone because my hubby was deployed overseas? that's right. enough to make my Razor try to dive into the toilet to avoid the Shear Terror (pun!) that was sure to ensue when i finally decided that the nurses at the hospital would probably not appreciate having to run their fingers through my leg-hair while delivering my child.

28. Which finger is your favorite?  -- i confess i made up this question. the other one was intolerable. let's see. favorite finger. gonna have to say my left thumb. it's proportionally my slimmest digit, and i broke it when i was 9 and it clicks and sticks now. it's special. we're friends. *tiny finger embrace*

29. Have you ever said something because you thought it was funny, but right after you say it you wish you hadn't? yes, but i usually follow it up with "wow this humble pie is delicious" or "i need some toast for this toe jam that i have stuck between my teeth as a result of having shoved my entire foot into my oral cavity". and that cancels out my audible faux pax and gets me off the hook. win.

30. What does subpoena mean? it means that i am also going to super glue my fingernail clipping from the last year to your bedroom floor. congratulations. Nail Clippings Carpet. enjoy.

31. Did you think about going to dictionary.com to look it up? i thought about also adding ketchup to your shower head so that you get a nice surprise tomorrow when you get in the shower to wash off your daily amassing of Stupid and Shame.

32. When was your last date? PreValentine's day, which is when the CUSTERS properly celebrate love and togetherness. but that's another story for another day. or maybe not. it gets a little icky. Mike know's what i'm talking about. there was definitely vomit involved. and duck pancakes. i'm serious. duck pancakes.

33. How many MySpace friends do you have? haha, zero. not even Tom wants to be my friend. but i do have 450 friends on Facebook. feel free to find and add me, readers. smiley face. i'd love to have you!

34. Have you ever peed in the shower? yes. as Nemo said, all drains lead to the ocean. so... actually no, then. because technically i'm peeing in the ocean. and they thought BP was the one killing plankton or whatever it was. Algae? who cares. i'm over it. on to the next disaster.

35. Can you count to 20 in Spanish? claro que si. y yo soy una Chola, y te voy a matar. so there.

36. Anything really odd turn you on? when i walk around in a little undershirt and my Cheeky Power Undies. it makes me feel sexy. which is saying something because mostly i just feel like a gelatenous blob of eww.

37. How do you hold the steering wheel when you're driving? 10 and 2. because i am an adult.

38. How would you describe your high school experience in exactly 5 words? Dancing concerts eat discovery unicorns. whew. Go ME!!!

39. Is Alex Trebek the smartest man alive? negative. my Daddy is!!

40. What celebrity do you look most like? I've heard Meryl Streep. you decide:

41. How often do you change your MySpace song? about as often as i play my records or put on my poodle skirt.
42. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 4. which i know is kind of scant for a woman. i need some sandals...

43. Are your earlobes attached or unattached? swinging so fancy free....

44. Did you just touch an ear to check? ugh. yes. you got me. is this survey over yet? i don't think i'll ever do this again.

45. Which is grosser: finger hair or toe hair? toe hair most definitely. it incubates all day in sweaty feet juices which adds to the repulsion. although finger hair is also far from sexy. SHAVE YOUR HANDS, ROBERT PATTINSON. no one wants to see your gorilla knuckles caressing ANYONE.

46. What time is it now? Hammer Time. don't make me tell you again.

47. How much ice do you put in your drinks? none. i have no patience for ice. it's never on my side. it blocks the flow of liquid from entering my mouth, and then it gangs up on me and jumps me when i'm not expecting it at the end of my drinking experience.

48. How often do you floss? maybe once a week. i'm a model citizen.

49. Does lip gloss really "pop?" Once when i was 12 i wrote "no body likes me, everybody hates me, i guess i'll just go home and commit suicide" on my desk because i was tired of being teased and crying every day, and the next day the teacher called me up to her desk and yelled at me for it. which did not help things. bottom line; if you run across a child writing or saying things like that, MAYBE you should take it SERIOUSLY. maybe they'd have less mental issues as adults and they wouldn't feel the urge to vomit everytime after they ate.

50. Do you watch the Super Bowl just for the commercials? guilty. unless the Broncos are playing. the Texans will get there eventually. i firmly believe in Texas football. except the stupid cowboys.

51. Do you know anyone who is Canadian? MYYYYY SHELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if she's not... then... she wants to be? i dunno. I'm sorry Shelly, i've wanted to give you a shout-out this whole survey and we got to this one and you were the first person i thought of!! Love ya! and thanks for the idea to do a survey. i'm having fun! and hopefully my readers are too...

52. Do you have a farmer's tan? HA!! no. i have Mama's tan. which is NO tan. not even old tan lines. it's been almost 2 years since i've been outside to sunbathe. sigh. i'd call my color "eggshell white".

53. Do you like licking the sticky part of the envelope? only if it's sweet. but i've switched to tape. i'm afraid of anthrax. yes. still.

54. Which foot hits the floor first when you get out of bed? the tired one.

55. Who was the US's only bachelor President? Obama!! oh, you didn't say Frat Boy? sorry. my bad. shouldn't just skim over the questions before i answer them.

56. What's your favorite Tom Hanks movie? i like the one where he plays a hunter/gatherer hippie that develops multiple personality disorder and then travels to the future where his woman is married to someone else and life sucks all the way around. i think it was called "WILLLLLLSSSSOOOOOONNNNNNNN!!!".
 
 
 
well, i hope y'all enjoyed that. i'm going to go downstairs and saw off my left leg because it's just about to murder me with pain until i die from it. also i'm thirsty. leave comments!
 
and get to sleep yourselves. President's day only comes once a year, after all.