mine just seem to want to eat me.
which i don't think will be any fun for them, as i probably taste like turkey omelettes and a lot of coffee. also, i feel pretty hollow and empty inside so i'm not sure how satisfying of a meal i would make.
where did "decency" go? mutual respect? honor? self respect? honesty?
why do people do the things they do. why do they go the places they go? why do they allow themselves to be acted upon, instead of having the proverbial balls to stand up and say "no, this is probably innappropriate".
i don't think i've done anything wrong here; yet here i stand, typing this out, my stomach grumbling, my heart so heavy, feeling so ugly and like a villian and a curse to others.
where did i go wrong? why am i not enough?
i wish i could be the person that others feel i should be but i just can't. i couldn't do that to myself and still respect myself. i've made choices NOT to do things because it wouldn't be right. not for myself, not for my marriage, and not for my son. i can't possibly be blamed for that.
so why do i feel like i'm the one that's done something wrong? all i did was keep my nose clean, and devote all my love and attention to my husband and our son.
it's not my fault. it can't be my fault.
i'm so tired but i can't sleep.
i'm standing on the edge of something much too deep.
it's funny how i feel so much
but cannot say a word.
well i am screaming inside but i can't be heard.
Hmm...turkey omletes and coffee sound pretty tasty actually...
ReplyDeleteListen here sister. What i'm about to say - I want you to read it, soak it up, & believe it because its the truth and take it to heart okay? Even better print a whole bunch of copies and paste them all over your house so you can be reminded - you are an AMAZING AWESOME UTTERLY ASTOUNDING person. I know sometimes its hard to try and be everything to the people around you. But all you can do is just be yourself. People love and adore you because you are who you are: unique, quirky, and sweet and caring to the sub-molecular molecules in your body. All you can do is try to do the best you can. You so do that! You're so many awesome things: Army Vet, Wife, Mom, Friend, & Sister. And you do all of those things with such grace, you put Alice Cullen to shame! Please don't feel like you're not good enough, because you are. Remember:
There's Nothing you could say Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on Cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through...
KEEP HOLDING ON sis
(Love you bunches and bunches *bear hug*)
DITTO!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!! CHIN UP!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about how you are feeling! But it is not true! I adore and love you! I think about you often! Joel and I both do! Always fondly. If you need to talk to, please call me. I know a lot about a lot of people nothing shocks me anymore! I love you sweetie!
ReplyDelete