let's just grab some 2 dollar panties and get out of here

i have been totally remiss in my duties since i left on vacation two weeks ago.

i apologize.

there have just been so many hijinks that i haven't had the ..... collected sanity to write.  i've felt like a laughing eyes-glazed porcelain wombat. just sitting there, a little furry lump in the throws of hysterics.

take Friday night for example.

we decided to travel back to Georgia in two days instead of attempting the 9 hour drive during the night like we did when we drove up. we figured we'd drive halfway, stop for the night, then finish up the drive on saturday.

it went..... well, it went.

infants are NOT designed for extended automobile travel. they're just not wired for it. i know this because Ronin's poop/vomit/pee stream frequency increases dramatically when we drive for more than an hour at a time.  i take this as him telling me that i'm a terrible horrible individual and this is what i get for subjecting my angel child to a torture so base and degenerate as this.

also he screams.... and cries... and screams.

so we pulled into some place... Rocky Mount, Mount Rock, Rocking Mountain... something around 6pm-ish.  we were tired.  we were hungry.  we were frustrated because we'd been having a rough time trying to keep the Wunderkind happy during the first leg of our trip. 

we headed into a "Texas Steakhouse" type establishment.  i took the Screecher into the bathroom and proceeded to change his pee pants.  he cried bloody murder so that everyone in the restaurant and the adjoining hotel would know just exactly how displeased he was at the moment.

i got him changed, mike and the babe and i sat down and had dinner, and things looked up after that.

we stole, nay hijacked, a romantic evening.

aparently, there was some Romantic Weekend Getaway thing going on at said adjoining hotel that we decided to stay at. we booked a room, grabbed our essential travel things, and headed up to the room.

*interjection*

Mike explained to me that he is so romantic that he doesn't plan romantic evenings, he steals them from other people; often unbeknownst to them, and usually unbeknownst to himself as well.

*end interjection*

we walked into the room and we were very surprised at what we saw. there were tons of rose petals covering the bed, they were all over the floor and nightstands, and on one of the nightstands there were two glasses and a bottle of sparkling red grape juice on ice.

SURPRISE ROMANTIC GETAWAY ROOM!!! 

we asked the dude that brought up a courtesy crib for the Young Prince about the room and what was up wit' dat, and he said he didn't know.

it was an awesome serendipitous High Five from the Universe.

we got the Little Angel to bed, poured us some bubbly and settled down onto the bepetaled bed to read and be snuggly.

it was an awesome night, aside from the couple that came knocking at the door a bit later in the night all upset cuz we got the awesome room cuz the hotel screwed up in our favor.


and we got a military discount.

and we got free breakfast.




and i forgot my little neck pillow, Little Guy 3.0 in the hotel room. a fact i didn't realize until this morning.

i forced my wonderful husband to take me to Bed Bath and Beyond to get a replacement this evening.


i promise that i won't lose Little Guy 4.0

he will NOT be leaving the house to go on vacations with me anymore.
now if i can only beg my wonderful mommy to make me yet another pillowcase for it....



Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:

1.  My son is so clearly a superior child. he already has me and Mike all figured out and knows how to get what he wants.  clever boy...

2.  i think my cats missed me. they seem to have gone feral since we went on vacation.... the house was TORN UP when we got home on Saturday.  they chewed through all of the baby bottle nipples, they peed on the floors, they somehow got poo on both the counters and the stairs, they ate/shredded our toilet paper, and they spilled the contents of the bathroom trash cans on the floor.... as if to say "welcome home morons. thanks for abandoning us. again. jackasses."

3. i gained two pounds over two weeks. blerg.

4.  i dyed my hair dark brown again. gotta put the "winter colors" back on. plus, it helps hide my bald spot.

5. ladies, don't let your husband cut your hair. even if you feel that you've screwed it up so badly that no alteration that he makes could possibly detract from the damage you've already inflicted upon your hairdo.  it's a mistake. don't let them near the scissors. there are some times when "help" isn't "help" and this is one of them.

6. let's just get some $2.00 panties and get out of here...

7. Ronin's on his third pair of jammies for tonight.  i wish he would just stop barfing up and go to sleep already. i'm running out of clean jammies.

8. so Mike said "perhaps you should write about that brilliant thing you did the other day"... and neither him nor i can think of what that brilliant thing, or ANY brilliant thing that i've done was/is.  that's pretty sad.

9.  i took a shower earlier in the day. i went into my bedroom. i put clothes on. i dried my hair some...  and then i opened my door to go back downstairs and there in the doorway are my two cats, my male kitty in the act of humping my female kitty.  they both looked up at me as if to say "um, do ya mind?"...  i said "well exCUSE ME", circumvented them, and went about my business feeling a bit violated myself.

10.  To the guy at Charlotte Russe in VA who was wearing the blue polo, khakis, drawn on eyebrows, and 6 pounds of bright pink blush: COOL IT with the make up.  we get it.  you just want to feel "pretty". but come on, put on some bronzer, maybe pencil in a TOUCH of eyebrow color, perchance a bit of lip gloss just for kicks, but there is NO NEED for the Tammy Faye Baker mask. it's not charming.

romance, swordfish, and matching workout tennis shoes.

my husband is possibly the most romantic man i have ever met.

kudos to me for snatching him up when i did.

we went on a date this week, leaving the young prince at Mike's parents' house so that we could frolick about and be ridiculous without looking like crack-adled slacker-parents.

it was a magical night....

we boarded the metro to go into DC with the intent to "be adventurous, find a random restaurant, and just see what happens."

Mike said that he wanted to play Hide and Seek D.C.

Hide and Seek D.C. is where Mike pushes me out of a moving Metro train, and he continues traipsing about around D.C.'s greater Metro area.  I play by either:

A: trying to find/catch up with Mike while he runs around having a pleasant evening
B: become Queen of the Bums as I make friends with all the homeless people i see, eventually giving up the game and succumbing to my new lot in life as the Leader of the Vagrants.

or C: i walk home dejectedly on foot. possibly hitchiking. and definitely sweating too much for comfort.

i told him that i'd rather not play that game.



we got to D.C., found ourselves a random restaurant, sat down at a delightful table across from a large beam that obscured our view, and proceeded to "be ourselves".

the rest of the night went as follows:

we took 20 minutes to order because the menu was considerably confusing, a tad pricey, and we had no idea what wine pairing would possibly go with Swordfish on a bed of sweet potato chunks and barbeque sauce.
Our poor waiter was so patient with us....
we decided to get three kinds of wine each; mike would get three white, i'd get three red, and we'd swap and see what we liked.
the waiter asked for our IDs and while Mike handed over his, i sat there blissfully smiling and staring off into the proverbial cosmos.......
i eventually snapped out of it and realized that i hadn't brought my ID with me. it then took me another minute to realize that that meant i wouldn't be getting any wine.
i proceeded to promise the waiter that i was in fact 25 years of age, and that i'd had a kid, and i'd even show him my c-section scar if that would help prove that i was over 21.
he looked repulsed, but he was a pro so you'd never know that he probably had just thrown up in his mouth.
he smiled sheepishly, mumbled something about getting in trouble if someone saw me drinking without him verifying my age, and told Mike he'd bring him his three white wines right away.
dinner wore on, i snuck my wine anyway, we ate swordfish, we made distorted faces at each other, we hiccuped, we laughed too loud, and Mike threw his fist in the air and loudly proclaimed "ROMANCE!!".

the people at the tables near us weren't having as good a time as we were. i know because they kept looking over at us all jealous and junk.

or maybe they just wished we'd settle down and be respectable adults.  we were, after all, in a pretty swanky restaurant.

i mean, we were eating swordfish for crying out loud.


tonight we went to the Cheesecake Factory with my In-Laws.  Mike and I sat at the table and sang that Hootie and the Blowfish song to each other; you know, the one about how "i'm such a baby, girl, the dolphins make me cry".  Ronin..... our Slimeysaurus ....... magically turned into a Raging Screaming Destroyer of Worlds though. we had to kind of hurry dinner and take turns walking around with His Highness in order to satiate his need to be entertained.

The Roaring Drooling One is now sound asleep in his crib on his tummy, drooling away with his little pajamma'd butt up in the air.  it's pretty much the cutest thing ever.



Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:

1. it's never a good idea when you're introducing yourself to a group of people for the first time to use the word "semen" in reference to how your parents were in Japan when The Bomb was dropped and how technically you were there too... because you were semen. creepy wink.

2. i love when Mike play-yells at me.  like when he tells me to "GET IN THE CAR"... or how when i tell him that i don't want to have donuts for breakfast and then he yells "THEN YOU WILL STARVE!!". it makes me giggle everytime.  this is yet another way that Mike is the most romantic man i've ever met.

3. i think it's sad that i'm only on number 3 and i'm straining my brain for additional Bedtime Thoughts.  sheesh i am losing it.

4. so speaking of losing it, i've lost quite a bit of hair. i made the tragic mistake of looking in the mirror after i got out of the shower, and i have this LARGE patch of spotty hair growth that covers a considerable area near the left side of my face.  yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

5. i bought some clothes today that i feel prety in. it's been a LONG while since i've felt pretty. and now i do. even though i'll soon be as hairless as Dr. Evil

6.  we should all use the phrase "teeming with hippos" more often in casual conversation. example: "why aren't you eating your cereal, Margaret?"  "it tastes funny"  "well no wonder, Margaret, it's Teeming With HIPPOS."

7.  i think it's cute when gay guys buy matching gym shoes... i saw a couple wearing them and it made me smile.

8.  the expression "like taking candy from a baby" doesn't make sense to me. who gave the baby candy? babies shouldn't be eating candy. so taking candy from a baby should be considered to be a good thing. so i applaud those that take candy from babies.

9.  my mother in law is asleep in her recliner in the living room.... do i wake her up so she can go upstairs to bed once i finish this? or do i let her sleep because waking her might make her understandably aggitated? oh god. now THAT's a dilemma.

10. please leave me suggestions for topics to write about.  i've been.... distracted and busy since i've been on vacation and i think that if i have some direction from y'all that it might kick my rear in gear and get me to write more frequently.