Dear Things and Stuff...

Dear Snickers Ice Cream Bar,

Oh Siren of my Stomach, how I adore you.  You are such a delight! Your delicate chocolate shell encases 100 less calories than your denser, less frigid counterpart. I just wish there weren't so many of you in the freezer. The song of FOUR Snickers Ice Cream Bars is hard to resist when I'm on a diet and I think about eating and how hungry I am nearly every minute. yes, even while i'm sleeping.

With affection,
Krista


Dear Lady at Target Yesterday,

One of my greatest frustrations is NOT being able to soothe my child when he's crying. So I did NOT appreciate your actions yesterday when Ronin was SCREAMING in the check out line.  It was all I could do to keep from blowing up at you in a fit of rage when you paid for your purchase in LOOSE CHANGE, then bent over Ronin's stroller to "talk" to him, preventing me from getting to the credit card payment thing so that i could pay for the Gerber Veggie Dip snacks that would have satiated my crying son and alieved my tension. I have mixed feelings about my decision to yell at you, but mostly I don't regret it.

Self Righteously,
Young Frustrated Mama



Dear Son,

Please stop hating me and just eat your food.  You can't be breastfeeding forever. I'm afraid of your teeth that I'm sure are on their way in.

Love,
Mom



Dear Comb-over Man,

Just shave it off, buddy. That little wispy coif isn't fooling anyone.

Sincerely,
Krista




Dear Old Navy,

You are impressing the hell out of me. Not only did you make a yellow shirt that i look really good in, but you made a little flannel onsie, cargo pants, and one of those Fargo-esque furry hats with BEAR EARS on it in my son's size. He is the CUTEST little Outdoorsman in the described outfit, and it is all thanks to you.  Thank you for making my little man look like a Little Man.

Gratefully,
Krista




Dear Snickers Ice Cream Bar,

I give up. Get In My Fundus!!!!

Munch,
Krista




Dear Ronin's Bedtime,

GET HERE already.

~Krista



Dear Chick-Fil-A,

you know, every time i order fast food through the drive through, i expect a certain percentage of error.  a forgotten packet of barbeque sauce, a lack of napkins, an intrusive tomato slice when i ordered a chicken sandwich "neat". today, however, you shocked me with your inadequacy. i opened my bag-o-goodies to inspect the grilled chicken salad i ordered only to be greeted by half a head of hair. seriously. there was so much hair. i expected some hair, but it looks like the individual that was filling my order has an acute case of alopecia. and the Alopecia Drive-thru Technician aparently thought i'd like a few shreds of dried up grass in there too.  For real, Chick-Fil-A, slow your roll and FIX your SHIT.

Severely Grossed Out,
Krista




Dear Grim Reaper,

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!! hahahaha.... pun.

~Krista




Dear Stretch Marks,

you were cool and all when i was pregnant and 60 pounds heavier than i am now... but lately you just look ridiculous. therefore, i'm issuing an eviction notice. you have 60 days to vacate and be back to my normal, delightfully taut skin.  Ha!! just kidding. i'm not so naive as to think that i'll ever have that "soft supple" look ever again. that is best left to the sluts on the interwebs and all the chicks out there that are fat-less. lucky bitches.

your frenemy,
Krista








Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:

1. it's uncanny how many times a day i misspell my OWN name. maybe i should just change my name to krsita.

2.  i've lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks so by my calculations... bEEp BoOp BeEP beeP BOOp bEeP BeeP..... it will take 13 weeks to get down to my goal weight which puts us at....*calendar-flippings-through*..... 123 pounds on 13 January 2011.  totally doable.

3.  remember those big balloon/rubber balls that you'd blow up and they had a rubber band attatched to them so you could kind of spring them off of your hand? yeah. i never liked those growing up.

4.  my son could make a fortune doing Interpretive Dance. he is an excellent squirmer.

5.  i kind of like tinkering around with the piano....

6.  i'm going to invent a little gun that you zap your muscles with and it makes them not feel terrible and ache-y anymore. because my leg muscles feel terrible and ache-y.

7.  Monster has a new drink out- zero sugar and zero calories. fairly tasty. it's grrrrrrrrrrrrape!

8.  i wish that i had packed a t-shirt for this trip to Virginia. i find myself with nothing to lounge about in come bedtime and it's awkward.

9.  where did the word Skivvies come from? and why does it mean underwear?

10.  um.... does anyone actually read this anymore besides my mom, Shelly and Tash? and if so, why doesn't anyone comment anymore??? *tiny cry*



peace, beef, and brussel sprouts. time to have some Amaretto and OJ!!