Obsession: the cure to the Obesity Epidemic.

the secret to weight loss is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

i've been trying for 7+ months now to lose the baby weight and i've finally found a way to do it.

i live, sleep, eat and breathe Obsession.  when i wake up i prepare myself for dissappointment in the breakfast department. no pop tarts, no cinnamon rolls, no apple pie, no 8 cupcakes from the baking foray the night before...

just plain ol' fiber packed cereal and light soymilk. maybe coffee.

then i spend the next few hours trying to distract myself from how hungry i am. i run around with my son, i log my caloric intake and sob internally, i go up and down the stairs repeatedly and seemingly aimlessly in an attempt to destroy the calories from breakfast, and i foolishly dream of cupcakes.

then lunch time. i pick and choose my meal, attempting to find something that fills me and still meets the parameters of the calories that i've allowed myself to eat by 1pm.  this usually ends up being way less than i feel like i should be ingesting.

so i die a little bit inside.

afternoon.... i hope and pray that the Angel Baby takes a nap so that i can sleep away some of the time between my pitiful meager lunch and the looming glory of dinner....sometimes he does and it's splendid. other times i agonize for hours, doing squats here and there, leg lifts while i watch Ronin play with his toys on the floor, donkey kicks to fix my "saggy booty" as my lover so gingerly labeled it.

every now and again, i hit the gym and frantically/manically attempt to pulverize my fat with as much cardio as i can squeeze in between the time i get there and the time that the nursery attendants come inform me that my darling child has transformed into a screaming banshee. those are the glorious days; the days when i can feel the jiggle being released from my body in the form of pain and sweat.

but all these days end the same. i put my Superior Man-child to bed and stay up doing crunches and booty-squeezy things for about another hour or so, feeling fat and hating...so much... that i am.... so large.


now. this may seem like an overreaction, but that's because no one but myself can truly understand the love affair that i have with food.

except doughnuts. and licorice. those are pure satanic fodder, no matter what my husband would have you believe.

i do, truly, love food.  i love that creamy, smooth feel of perfectly baked cheesecake hitting my tongue. i love the salty cheesy warm hug that a cheeseburger gives my mouth. i love the satisfying mastication of pasta and its rich and hearty weight as it hits my stomach and lets me know that it's all okay because soon i won't be hungry anymore. i love the gooey chocolatey goodness of a hot-out-of-the-oven homemade chocolate chip cookie. and i love the fluffy sugary bliss of a citrus cupcake (orange cake, maraschino cherry pushed into the middle as a surprise, lemon frosting, and sprinkles) as it hits my tastebuds and sends me into a feeding frenzy.

so this "not eating whatever my body demands" and "watching my calorie intake" just sucks balls.

every day i feel like having an infantile temper tantrum. but i don't. because i don't want Ronin thinking that that's the proper reaction to not having 4 Meat extra cheese pizza.


sheesh. even as i type this i'm salivating.



Krista's Thoughts (waaaaaaaay) Before Bedtime:

1.  so some math symbols, pi (3.14......) and i (the square root of -1)  got into a fight the other day. i didn't hear all of it, but i did here the end. i said "be rational!!" and pi said "get real!!"  . guffaw. i love math jokes.

2.  ladies, if you cherish your carefully sculpted abs, then NEVER let anyone slice through them in attempts to pull your offspring out of you. i mean, if you can help it.

3.  i proclaim DEATH to this 48+ hour headache. i'ma try the tylenol again, but if it doesn't go away i'm getting the chisel and going after it Dr. Stein style! and if it works, i could be the best doctor in Orange County! (get it? get it?)

4.  i love a mild Boston accent.

5.  i'd be such a good mom if only i wasn't so much of an airhead. i went to Northern VIRGINIA in the FALL. OCTOBER. and didn't pack any long pants for my son. NONE. oh. my. god i'm retarded. it was supposed to be in the low seventies, and i get here and it's "a high of 55 degrees today" and i'm looking like a terrible mother because my poor perfect offspring is forced to romp around in a one-sie and shorts. thank God for daddy bringing long pants by, and Old Navy for having the things that i forgot.

6.  iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm so hungry i'm having trouble having thoughts about anything else.

7.  hmm.... Sarah Jessica Parker really does have a horse face.

8.  i think i'd like to have a bear as a pet. a nice gentle bear that i could saddle up and ride. we'd saunter into town and growl at everyone and they'd be forced to give us free cheesecake. and liposuction.

9.  if a vampire gets a splinter, does he "die"? cuz... it's kind of like a mini-wooden stake... discuss.

10.  i got whistled at today as i was pushing Ronin to the park in his stroller. YES!!! i can still be sexually objectified by men!! i haven't completely lost "it"!! i can still be considered as desirable enough to merit a casual out-the-window-drive-by whistle!! woot! so maybe there's hope for me yet. i'm nowhere NEAR being as hot and tempting as those slutty little perfect bodied women that i envy soooo much.... but at least i'm not a lost cause. some day, some glorious day, i'll be physically attractive enough to "get off" to.  i still have my goals and hopes and dreams.