here's a list of small paragraphs

A good friend of mine sent me a message requesting psyche-revealing answers to the following questions.

so Shelly, here's lookin' at you, kid.

1. what is your favorite word? and she starts off with a tough one. hmm... if i could only pick one.... well, it used to be Moisture. there was also a time when Pants was my number one. however, lately i've been leaning towards SOUP. but only when you say it kind of creepily. with a slight "h" in there. like "ssshoUUp.."

2. what is your least favorite word? probably Licorice. it conjures up a hateful smell, a disgusting taste, a slimey sight, and the memory of that evil Lord Licorice from Candyland that would always fuck shit up for me. it's a hateful, hateful substance and ergo a dispicable word.

3.  what turns you on?  honestly, being kissed on the neck, a good cologne (like Hugo Boss), hands on my hips, and knowing that i turn him on.

4.  what turns you off?  body odor, when i feel fat, if i'm having a bad hair day, being told that "sure, i guess i can try and rally for you", and sexual advances when i'm actively trying to get stuff done; for example, cleaning the house.

5. what sound or noise do you love?  i love Ronin's laughter and his mumbling which just so happens to sound like him saying "mom".

6. what sound or noise do you hate?  i very frequently hear a high pitched whine... and from anatomy & physiology classes i'm left to infer that it means that my cilia in my cochlea are laying down/dying so i'm losing more of my hearing. Silver Lining; soon i won't have any least favorite sounds! also, i don't like the sound that parachute pants/warm-up pants make when i walk in them. i feel like i'm the noisiest walker around, and that everyone is staring at me and my painfully 1980's dated attire.

7.  what is your favorite curse word?  it's a toss up between nigga and bitches. *to clarify- nigga is said only to my dearest friends and only out of love. :) but bitches is just fun to say... go ahead, try and say it without smiling.   now try saying it more like  beaches. go ahead, tell me you're not grinning like a fool with his pants on the ground, nigga!

8.  what profession other than your own would you like to attempt?  dude, i would LOVE to be in Cirque De Soliel!!! i'd be a contortionist, or a dancer, or one of those contortion-y ribbon dancing ladies. also, it might be cool to be a personal trainer A La Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser. i adore how completely vicious she is, and yet how her heart of gold still shines through. either profession though would give me a rockin' bod.  for shiz, biiiitches.

9.  what profession would you like NOT to do?  i would not like to be a garbage collector, the janitor at a strip club, or porn/street-whoring.  i have the feeling like any of those three give me a good chance at contracting some sort of life threatening Super-chancre-herpes-gonorrhea-syphillis-AIDS-pneumonia and i just can't chance it.

10. if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?  it would probably be along the lines of "hey! you're here! oh good. i saved you a triple-beef-extra-bacon-extra-cheese zero-calorie cheeseburger and a full-flavored-lose-ten-pounds-now whole cheesecake. i think you're hilarious, you're a wonderful person, you did a great job loving your family, friends, and everyone you met, you have one hell of a kid, and enjoy Eternity doing whatever you want! also, here is your VERY OWN UNICORN! his name is Trevor. i love you, kiddo! glad you made it."




you may applaud now.

also, if anyone has other questions you'd like to shoot my way; either leave them here as comments, hit me up on my email (on my profile page), or send me a message on my facebook account.

with love to my niggas and bitches,
Krista