the importance of paying attention

i have learned, after a series of follies, that paying attention is important.

paying attention would have saved me from a lot of grief, worry, disgust, and sadness. but alas, i'm a tad on the ADD side of sears, so the following bulletpoints illustrate what i have learned from NOT paying attention to my own life's events.

1) It Is Important To Pay Attention While Eating Nutellapples:

When I was pregnant, my favorite treat was a green apple, sliced, and smothered in Nutella. I would cut little wedges off of the apple, smother, and devour. It wasn't until I was about 8 months along, and was halfway through my 17th or so Nutellapple, that I decided to look at the apple that i was eating as I sliced it. I was shocked to discover that this particular apple only had a half of a sticker on it. A minute or so later, after the implication of my finding had sunk in properly, my jaw dropped. I realized that in my blind feeding frenzy that I had eaten the other half of the sticker. I further deduced that I had eaten roughly 16 apple stickers before this fateful one. I began wondering if the ingested stickers would have any affect on my growing child.... maybe that's why he bites me so much now. Perhaps to him, the Child of a Sticker Muncher, i look like a giant sticker that must be munched.

2) It Is Important To Pay Attention To Where The Barf Goes When Your Son Throws Up On You: 

Today Ronin was so excited to be getting in the car that he sounded off with a full-body-squeal and promptly threw up everywhere. I began to panic, and as a result became unaware as to where the vomit had landed. Here I am, three hours later, still trying to find where the "barf smell" is coming from. I've washed my face, my chest, my arms, changed my shirt, changed his shirt, changed his pants twice, washed his skin and yet... the "barf smell" lingers. I may never find the elusive source of this evil aroma. This is the price I pay.

3) It Is Important To Pay Attention To Math While Making Coffee:

I stumbled down the stairs this morning, half asleep, with son in tow, and made myself a pot of Liquid Life. Little did I know that it would taste like Drink of Death. (Ha! Alliteration.) I gathered my Powers Of Concentration against the barage of the screeches, wiggles, kicks to the boobs and slaps to the chest and face that were imminating from my son and began scooping coffee grounds into the filter. I must have passed out or gone into a trance or Autopilot or something, because the next thing I knew I was shutting the lid on the top of Mr. Coffee and watching his dark black drippings collect in my pot.  My early-mornng-zombie brain didn't pay attention to the drastic change in the usual shade. All my detection equipment up there read "Looks Good To Me" and "Must Hurry And Drink Coffee To Survive" so I poured myself a cup, mixed in my creamer and began to gulp. I managed to suppress my disgust well enough that I only let out a "tiny gag" upon discovering that I should have counted to FOUR while scooping, and not the TWENTY THREE that somehow managed to magically fit into the coffee filter.

4) It Is Important To Pay Attention To Your Water Glass When Your Cat Is Fresh From The Litter Box:

My aptly named cat, Mischief, likes to drink out of my water glass. Specifically, he likes to use his litter box, leap out, hop onto the coffee table,  find my water glass, bat at the water with his litter-ridden paw, and then lean in and drink it quickly before i swat him away. I usually catch him in the act and toss that water glass, or I am able to deflect him and prevent him from getting to my precious water altogether. Until one fateful day. I wasn't paying attention. He must have gotten to it. I raised my glass to my lips, took a swallow or two and noticed that it tasted...off.  I lowered the glass and looked inside. It was smoky, cloudy, and had litter bits in the bottom. I once again summoned my Powers of Concentration and made it to the sink before I started heaving. I now pay very close attention to my water glass in order to prevent Mischief from making Litter Water for me.


5 Small Things I Did Today:

1)  Allowed Ronin to run amock pantsless for most of the day. It just seemed like a good day to be naked.

2) Let Ronin run amock at walmart; watched him make friends and help one of their friendly sales associates with his work. Now that Ronin has a job at walmart, let's see him pay some bills. *Note: he WAS wearing pants in walmart.

3) Watched South Park. All day. I love me some Butters.

4) Managed to sneak in a shower this morning. It's been too long...

5) Got a new hair straightener, like my friend Carina's. And it's BITCHIN'.



Love, Peace, and Eeety Beety Meece.