Aherm....

my readers are the BEST people in this whole wide world.  and yes, that includes my future readers that don't know that they adore me quite yet.

Here is my theory on Opposites. specifically Orange Juice and Toothpaste.

you know how Up and Down are Opposites, and Left and Right, etc?

well, Orange Juice and Toothpaste are Opposites.  and it's SOOO easy to tell.  the combination of the two is the WORST taste sensation in this world. So that's how you know if two things are True opposites. If they are God Awful together. And don't even try to argue because SCIENCE or something.


and now, some heartfelt  Letters that i've been meaning to write.


Dear Piece of Glass in the Bottom of my Foot:
As lovely and shiny as you are, I am glad that we've parted ways.  it was prudent that we did.  after all, all you were going to do was make me bleed more and keep me from putting tennis shoes on and going to the gym.  i just wish you hadn't been such a sneaky devil.  it was more difficult than i expected to dig you out with a pair of tweezers and some toenail clippers.  please tell your friends to either pack up and leave, or be prepared to live out their natural lives under the stove because i will not tolerate another attempt on my life like this.  i bid you adieu.

Firmly,
Krista


Dear Cornbread,
i thought we talked about this.  must we go through the same song and dance everytime that i bake you??  if you would just stop being so delicious then maybe i wouldn't find myself parked on the couch with my gut hanging out of my shorts, eating you with a spoon until there is nothing left in the baking pan but crumbs, guilt, and the tears of my defeat.  we really need to reevaluate our relationship paradigm.  this isn't healthy.

Oh hold on there's another piece still in the pan...
Krista





10 Reasons Why I Win At Today:

1.  my hair may be falling out, but today, less hair fell out than usual. pitiful sad win.

2.  Ronin was trying his damndest to Hoover (tm) a chunk of honeydew melon tonight, but i managed to keep him from getting all of it into his pie-hole and choking on it.

3.  i didn't die today.  and i didn't get peed on today. it's always a good day when the only urine you have to worry about seeing is your own.

4.  i felt like punching my computer today because Georgia and ALL it's utilities companies are fucking rah-tards.  but i didn't.  so, yay for me having restraint and not being abusive to my most ... well, second most favorite piece of technology.  sorry, my MintIfreshPod wins at that game.

5.  i made some of the other mommies at the party tonight laugh.  i may not be the purdiest, but i'm still a Social Butterfly!! maybe Social Moth would be more accurate. nope.  no... Social Grasshopper. No. Social Locust. noooooooooooooooww we're talkin.

6.  totally could have eaten the rest of the cornbread but i DIDN'T.

7.  i'm down from a size 8 to a size 7. baby steps. shakey, jiggly, cellulitey baby steps.

8.  i got a Full Body Bruise today. oh, oh, i mean massage. all my muscle-knots have been obliterated.  although i will now be purple for the next 12 to 16 days.  thanks Bethany!!!

9.  my Knight in Shining Armor, Sir Mike found a HUGE piece of glass that was screaming for my blood and he picked it up and saved me from it's wrath.  my hero!

10.  i am not Paris Hilton.  THANK GOD. 





and i will try much harder to write more often!!! please send feedback/comments; i always love to hear from y'all.