the word of the day is "NOT"

it's official;  i have achieved my purpose in life.  Ronin now DANCES.  it's pretty much the best thing ever to witness.  he does the Diaper Booty Bounce, the Joyful Foot Stomp, and Bend Ovah To Da Front and Touch/Drool On Ya Toes.

i clearly have a superior child.


in other news, my husband recently opened my eyes to a new definition of love.  so yesterday, Mike decides to bare his soul to me and tells me that "our love is like a Turnip, in that they both exist".  i found this to be incredibly funny; i randomly found myself convulsing and snorting for a good hour after that.  i am his Love Turnip.  and contrary to popular belief Turnips should NOT be juiced. it is painful.  so no matter what my hubby says, he is not to be believed.  and i am NOT to be juiced.

also.  after much soul searching, i would like to break down and discuss why clowns are NOT funny and are, in fact, Scary Death Machines.  my evidence is as follows.

Large Feet/Shoes: who decided that boat-feet are funny? just because someone can effectively navigate an ocean with only a small dinghy, half an oar, and their freak-flippers doesn't mean that their plight is humorous.  surely this persecution makes them embarrassed, shameful and, over time, engulfed in a blinding murderous rage.

White Face Paint: last i checked, the white and pasty look belonged to the goths.  it's not exactly the Make-Up of Levity.  dead people are usually not instruments of mirth.   usually.

Red Nose:  are clowns sick? do they have the Swine Flu Syphillis Malaria Super Aids? well, they must because their schnauzes are always bulbous and rouge.

Crazy Colored Outfits:  this may be the most sickening trait of all.  these get-ups that the clowns wear- what with the stripes and the polka dots and the puffiness- are terrifying.  there is just way too much going on.  it's like Rainbow Brite (tm) was put into a Bear-sized blender, pureed, and then spewn onto coveralls with a snow blower.

Painted On Smile:  how sick and twisted.  these poor creatures are forced to appear happy.  i don't know about you, but it makes it all the more disturbing seeing that bright red pseudo-grin when it's chasing me, mouth open, teeth gleaming in the sun, and a blood curdling screaching laugh hanging in the air. 

so.  Clowns = Definitely Terrifying and Never Funny.


Thoughts Before Bedtime:

1. if presented with the opportunity, i would like to fingerpaint with Nutella and Cherry Preserves.  that way i could make a masterpiece AND lick my fingers clean.  win-win.

2.  butterscotch is only tasty when in melty chip or pudding form.

3.  today my son's favorite activity was whining and squealing.

4. wow. how long has it been since i shaved my legs?.... hmm...

5.  i have NO patience for people who try to patronize me.  so i end up being snotty and short tempered with them on Facebook (tm) chat and then logging off.  but i have NO regrets and and do NOT feel sorry about it.  such people have been pissing me off for too long.

6.  one month until i'm 26.  so.... can i be done with acne already? i mean seriously. i haven't been a teenager for 7 years.

7.  my intestines hurt.

8.  Lucy Lawless is a Cylon.

9.  the kittens are being extra snuggly today... i wonder what kind of shenanegans they are plotting....

10.  the expression is "they had to have done that" and NOT "they had 2 OF done that".  jeez people; stop being 'tards so we can understand what you're writing.



and remember,  Meth is one hell of a drug.