i love being a mom, but i'm having a reeeeeeeally hard time getting into children's music.
specifically the ones that haven't been updated since the dark ages. or thereabouts.
i'm talking about "Ring Around The Rosie" and "All Around The Mulberry Bush" and other completely useless songs like that. they teach NOTHING to our children, except for the fact that it's hilarious when everyone gets the bubonic plague and dies and "we all fall down". excellent value teach. death is funny.
what kind of sick twisted people are still pushing this frightening song on our impressionable toddlers?
i propose that we revise a few songs. you know, change them up and make them more relevant and current.
I'm going to do the world a HUGE service and fix these terrible meaningless songs for our posterity. here's an example. sing this one to your kids to the tune of Old MacDonald:
"Oh! Don't play in dark alley ways, or you will get butt-raped. Prostitutes and Addicts too, HIV abounds! with an AIDS! AIDS! here and a SPARE CHANGE? there, feces piles, broken glass, thugs will pounce and beat your ass. So don't play in dark alley ways, they're no fun for you!"
or try this delightful song on for size. sing this to your sleeping tot to London Bridge Is Falling Down:
"Don't stick sharp things in your eye! It will hurt. You Will Cry. Outlets aren't for forks or knives, Naive baby."
or change up Row Row Row your boat and sing this catchy tune:
"She is not 18, LEAVE THAT GIRL ALONE!! Or the cops will jail your ass for your intent to bone."
You're welcome, Earth.
More to come in my upcoming debut album, Krista's Cautionary Tales and Sing-Along Songs; available soon on iTunes and Amazon.com
OMG CAKE WANT. but cake cannot have. sigh.
i'm down to 138lbs. it's still not the 120 that i want, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 202 pounds that i started with. thank you Taco Bell. you nacho cheese peddling bastards.
i'm watching Marky Mark Talks To Trees, also known as "The Happening" and i'm amazed at the stereotypes that they shamelessly threw in there.
for example they first pan to West Virginia where there are two older women knitting and watching TV in gas masks. Because that's obviously all that West Virginia has to offer. Knitting octagenarians.
after that they show 8 Cubans crammed into a bathtub in Florida, because there are clearly only Cubans in Florida.
then they show white rednecks in Nebraska all in green camo getting their guns and ammo together to "take on the terrorists" or whatever. i think they'll be dissappointed when they discover it's not Al Quaeda they have to worry about but the insatiable BLOODLUST of Weeping Willows.
thank you M. Night Shamalamalan for painting an accurate portrait of America's populace. you're keeping prejudice and stereotypes alive and for that we are indebted to you.
10 Reasons Why I Win At Life Today:
1) In the course of my gym workout today i ran for a full 9 and 1/2 minutes straight. and I NEVER run. so yay me.
2) i did NOT make more Nutella Brownies even though i reeeeeeeally wanted to.
3) I couldn't find the Lucashoff Riesling that i wanted at Harvards, but i got a bottle of Riesling that yelled at me to RELAX from the label. and i intend to RELAX.
4) i am not a crazy old lady like the paranoid one in Marky Mark Talks To Trees... oops, The Happening.
5) i am not a murderous spruce tree either.
6) i fought with every ounce of my will power against my bulemia today and i beat the urge to purge. WIN!
7) even though three cars were broken into in my apartment complex, we were fortunate enough to not be burgled. Safety Win!
8) i just found out what that winged guy on the X-Men movie's real name is: Ben Foster.
9) i bought a toilet plunger today and i made it through the store and checkout lane without even blushing, even though it felt like the shamiest Walk Of Shame.
10) With the help of an old friend i was able to post more pictures of my Sexy 2008 Body on facebook. it's my goal to get back to being that tight and toned and that sexy and tan!
whup whup whup whup gooodnight.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
wasting time in the best of ways
i waste time only for good, and never for evil.
allow me to back up and explain.
i have a 10 month old son that requires constant attention and mental stimulation as well as monitoring for safety because he walks and runs EVERYWHERE.
so when i get free time, it is precious and short. i spend it... probably not so wisely.
for example, today Ronin (my boy!) took an hour long nap.
what did i do?
apart from rubbing my hands together and grinning like The Grinch about to heist some Roast Beast, that is.
i plopped my computer on the floor and half-assed my way through some yoga. now, i say half-assed only because my arms have the same strength and muscle-power as that of a 2-inch long goldfish so i had to drop to my knees and wussie out of most of the "upper-body strength dependant" moves.
after that invigorating 16 minute, 42 calories burned session i moved onto lazier activities.
to be specific, i spent a good half an hour googling pictures of Jared Leto's new Platinum Blonde and Pink Mohawk.
i want to crawl inside of his mohawk and have a picnic. maybe do some knitting. or make some pottery while i'm in there. mostly i'm just envious and very jealous that he has cool hair and mine looks like, well, this most of the time:
after i was done pining over Jared's infinitely cooler coif, i spent another good 20 minutes looking at pictures of cake. specifically looking for a cake in the shape of a treadmill. just for the record, there isn't one out there in cyberspace.
it does not exist.
i'm sorry to crush your dreams.
other Free Time Wasting Favorites are:
1) chasing my cats with a hair brush
2) cleaning the tartar out of my teeth with a gracie scaler that i hoisted from where i used to work.
3) pushing back the cuticles of my toenails.
4) cutting my husband's toenails.
5) painting my dad's toenails.
6) baking nutella brownies or yummy cupcakes and then finding friends that will allow me to shove them down their throats.
7) weeding out the good music on my computer from the dross, pure unadulterated crap.
8) looking for abandoned pennies.
9) planning for but never starting a garden.
and.......
10) looking at houses for sale/rent in random states and cities. just because.
January is annoying.
i went to the gym today, expecting to do "my usual".
1/2 hour on the elliptical/stairstepping hybrid machine, 1/2 hour on the actual elliptical, 10 minutes on the treadmill and 20 minutes or so doing strength training.
but there were all these people crawling all over the place.
there was a tiny tiny shriveled woman on the elliptical that could barely reach the handles while she pedaled. not a "little person" as much as i think she's just a humunculus.
there was an older blonde lady in a cerulean blue velour track suit. stylin. truly.
and sooooooo many sweaty men that had forgotten their deodorant. and possibly how to brush their teeth. and definitely how to bathe regularly.
but i digress. i know everyone's all gung-ho about getting healthy and working out and junk, but i miss the days when there was only a handful of people hogging the machines instead of 128 people milling about looking lost and wearing ridiculous velour track suits.
it was nice when i could be 2 or 3 machines away from the nearest person so i didn't have to smell their sweat/breath/farts. yes farts. cuz people on cardio machines fart a LOT. getting all those innards and juices moving...
truth be told, i'm not exempt from this particular phenomenon. i let farts rip that would put baboons to shame. what with their poo flinging and all.
what else what else what else...
i really need to write more. i feel like i'm losing my audience.
i also feel like i need to engage in illegal activities and start putting graffiti of my blog's URL on bathroom stalls and park benches and such. ya know, get the word out.
i've got readers in 39 different countries now (welcome, Romania!) and now i'm just a greedy little bitch about getting more readers. trying to make some revenue, ya know? but more importantly, i just like making people smile.
so if you would, tell a friend. post a link on your website/facebook page/email/local park bench/mcdonald's bathroom/cozy Starbucks armchair.
Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:
1) i wish my cats wouldn't lick each other on my dining table.
2) it's funny hearing a guy say the words "pineapple sunrise" with a straight face.
3) Corgi dogs are the Oompa Loompas of the canine world.
4) i'm in the mood to karate-chop styrofoam beams.
5) i have no idea how old the soy milk in the refridgerator is. i wanna say two months...
6) i think that Kanye West is sneaking into record studios and hiding his Auto-tune excerpts into ACTUAL music, thus stripping it of it's beauty and power. example: why the hell is his arrogant ass spittin' on my favorite 30 Seconds To Mars track, Hurricane? matherfacker.
7) Godiva coffee is disgusting. or i'm not making it right.... 8 scoops to every half cup of water, right? ugh. puke.
8) my friends and family and readers continue to be awesome.
9) i desire... more comments. and macaroni pictures. and popsicle stick people.
10) i just called my bestie's little brother a "nerd" after he posted a parody-style status about dragons. i feel that it's a sufficient "diss". i dunno. do people still say "diss"?
Peace out my little mince-meat pies!
allow me to back up and explain.
i have a 10 month old son that requires constant attention and mental stimulation as well as monitoring for safety because he walks and runs EVERYWHERE.
so when i get free time, it is precious and short. i spend it... probably not so wisely.
for example, today Ronin (my boy!) took an hour long nap.
what did i do?
apart from rubbing my hands together and grinning like The Grinch about to heist some Roast Beast, that is.
i plopped my computer on the floor and half-assed my way through some yoga. now, i say half-assed only because my arms have the same strength and muscle-power as that of a 2-inch long goldfish so i had to drop to my knees and wussie out of most of the "upper-body strength dependant" moves.
after that invigorating 16 minute, 42 calories burned session i moved onto lazier activities.
to be specific, i spent a good half an hour googling pictures of Jared Leto's new Platinum Blonde and Pink Mohawk.
after i was done pining over Jared's infinitely cooler coif, i spent another good 20 minutes looking at pictures of cake. specifically looking for a cake in the shape of a treadmill. just for the record, there isn't one out there in cyberspace.
it does not exist.
i'm sorry to crush your dreams.
other Free Time Wasting Favorites are:
1) chasing my cats with a hair brush
2) cleaning the tartar out of my teeth with a gracie scaler that i hoisted from where i used to work.
3) pushing back the cuticles of my toenails.
4) cutting my husband's toenails.
5) painting my dad's toenails.
6) baking nutella brownies or yummy cupcakes and then finding friends that will allow me to shove them down their throats.
7) weeding out the good music on my computer from the dross, pure unadulterated crap.
8) looking for abandoned pennies.
9) planning for but never starting a garden.
and.......
10) looking at houses for sale/rent in random states and cities. just because.
January is annoying.
i went to the gym today, expecting to do "my usual".
1/2 hour on the elliptical/stairstepping hybrid machine, 1/2 hour on the actual elliptical, 10 minutes on the treadmill and 20 minutes or so doing strength training.
but there were all these people crawling all over the place.
there was a tiny tiny shriveled woman on the elliptical that could barely reach the handles while she pedaled. not a "little person" as much as i think she's just a humunculus.
there was an older blonde lady in a cerulean blue velour track suit. stylin. truly.
and sooooooo many sweaty men that had forgotten their deodorant. and possibly how to brush their teeth. and definitely how to bathe regularly.
but i digress. i know everyone's all gung-ho about getting healthy and working out and junk, but i miss the days when there was only a handful of people hogging the machines instead of 128 people milling about looking lost and wearing ridiculous velour track suits.
it was nice when i could be 2 or 3 machines away from the nearest person so i didn't have to smell their sweat/breath/farts. yes farts. cuz people on cardio machines fart a LOT. getting all those innards and juices moving...
truth be told, i'm not exempt from this particular phenomenon. i let farts rip that would put baboons to shame. what with their poo flinging and all.
what else what else what else...
i really need to write more. i feel like i'm losing my audience.
i also feel like i need to engage in illegal activities and start putting graffiti of my blog's URL on bathroom stalls and park benches and such. ya know, get the word out.
i've got readers in 39 different countries now (welcome, Romania!) and now i'm just a greedy little bitch about getting more readers. trying to make some revenue, ya know? but more importantly, i just like making people smile.
so if you would, tell a friend. post a link on your website/facebook page/email/local park bench/mcdonald's bathroom/cozy Starbucks armchair.
Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:
1) i wish my cats wouldn't lick each other on my dining table.
2) it's funny hearing a guy say the words "pineapple sunrise" with a straight face.
3) Corgi dogs are the Oompa Loompas of the canine world.
4) i'm in the mood to karate-chop styrofoam beams.
5) i have no idea how old the soy milk in the refridgerator is. i wanna say two months...
6) i think that Kanye West is sneaking into record studios and hiding his Auto-tune excerpts into ACTUAL music, thus stripping it of it's beauty and power. example: why the hell is his arrogant ass spittin' on my favorite 30 Seconds To Mars track, Hurricane? matherfacker.
7) Godiva coffee is disgusting. or i'm not making it right.... 8 scoops to every half cup of water, right? ugh. puke.
8) my friends and family and readers continue to be awesome.
9) i desire... more comments. and macaroni pictures. and popsicle stick people.
10) i just called my bestie's little brother a "nerd" after he posted a parody-style status about dragons. i feel that it's a sufficient "diss". i dunno. do people still say "diss"?
Peace out my little mince-meat pies!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
my zombie walks but never sleeps
i find myself awake at 4am today.
not out of willful choice, mind you, but because i have a SCREECHING ten month old baby upstairs who "doesn't understand" that nighttime is for SLEEPING and not for screaming at mom.
just because he can walk on his own now without holding onto me or daddy he thinks he's a big-shot that doesn't need to rest.
and he wants to punish me and let me know exactly how pissed his is at me for leaving him in his crib instead of letting him play when he wakes up at 2:30a.m. to do so.
little punk. momma needs sleep.
anywho, joy of joys Ronin finally got his confidence up and now instead of walking 3 or 4 steps, freaking out and sitting down, he walks all the way across the house from Shiny Object #1 to Shiny Object #2 with no hesitation.
good for him, but I'm in trouble.
we have a teeny tiny townhome with stuff just crammed all in it which doesn't make it very "baby friendly".
at least we don't keep our knives on the floor anymore. whew! dodged a bullet there.
oh, i think he stopped screaming... now he's just crying and whining. it's a small step but i'll take it.
ugh. losing weight is hard, y'all. and i know it's the time of year for it and talking about it is cliche and not exciting or new in the least, but it is what it is. it's a bis-natch.
i still have 16 pounds to go, thanks to the 2 pounds i put on in the last 12 days and it just seems like a hopelessly dark tunnel with no Scooby Doo nightlight at the end.
in leu of Scooby Doo, there is an Orc horde clad in battle armor and cake, threatening my diet and exercise regime and my very life. plus Orcs are smelly, so boo.
my hair is immortal. i know this because it has stopped growing and is in a constant state of unchanging Annoying Lengthitude. not quite long enough to put in a ponytail, not short enough to be considered "pixie" or "cute" or "un-barfy".
as a result of these two grievances i feel completely bummed out by anyone with a rockin' non-post-partum body and/or long hair.
sweet Jesus he's screeching again.
i go up and "check" on him and that just seems to make it worse cuz he sees me and cried louder as if to say "MOMMY WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOVE ME, I JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUUUU". and then i feel like a dipshit parent when i leave him to let him cry it out.
ugh. why can't he just sleep through the night like a normal 10 month old baby.
my cats missed me while i was on vacation. i know this because every time i sit or lay down they are there, pinning my legs down and demanding all of my cuddles and pets. also they try to claw through Ronin's door when i'm in there with it shut.which does NOT help Ronin fall asleep.
i tried some yoga today. i did 5 or so different difficult positions and held them for 30-45 seconds each. i only did one circuit of them though because the laundry had to get done at some point so we could get it off of the bed and sleep. i'll do at least two rounds tomor.... i mean later today. you know when someone says "where does the time go"? well it goes right here.
Good News Everyone; i've found all of the extra time that you've lost. it's right here waiting for you in the "waiting for Ronin to go back to sleep so i can go back to sleep" space-time continuum. please pick it up at your earliest convenience.
Observant Observations:
1. our waitress at Ruby Tuesdays on Sunday evening looked like a poor copy of Ellen Page. in fact i nearly called her Ellen Page while she was walking around with our queso dip and chips, looking utterly lost like she was still stuck in Inception and there was no Leornardo to save her or whatever. (never saw the movie, just guessing at it's premise.)
2. businesses that "cut costs" by turning off the heat in the bathrooms should be tried as criminals in a court of law. sure it's fine for the men that have to take a squirt, but us lady-folk have to squat to pee on those ice cold toilet seats and it's deplorable.
3. aparentely if you "like" a whole bunch of webpages on Facebook just so that you can slap your blog's URL on it once a day everyday it is considered "abuse" and you're banned from doing it anymore. just a heads up. i guess i'll have to find another way to get the word out. where else can i do my digital graffiti? hmm...
4. it's funny how my husband tries to seduce me by making me laugh so hard that i nearly pee myself, and then he gets all in a huff because i get a bad case of the giggles while we're making love. i'm not laughing at him at all, just the Russian voice and the awkward gyrating bouncy dance he does to try and "get me hot". i love that man.
5. i saw a beautiful white and gold owl in the middle of the road while we were driving back home to Georgia from Virginia on Sunday. Deer? sure. Rabbit? of course. Armadillo- the state bird of Texas? absolutely. but an Owl? now that's a first.
not out of willful choice, mind you, but because i have a SCREECHING ten month old baby upstairs who "doesn't understand" that nighttime is for SLEEPING and not for screaming at mom.
just because he can walk on his own now without holding onto me or daddy he thinks he's a big-shot that doesn't need to rest.
and he wants to punish me and let me know exactly how pissed his is at me for leaving him in his crib instead of letting him play when he wakes up at 2:30a.m. to do so.
little punk. momma needs sleep.
anywho, joy of joys Ronin finally got his confidence up and now instead of walking 3 or 4 steps, freaking out and sitting down, he walks all the way across the house from Shiny Object #1 to Shiny Object #2 with no hesitation.
good for him, but I'm in trouble.
we have a teeny tiny townhome with stuff just crammed all in it which doesn't make it very "baby friendly".
at least we don't keep our knives on the floor anymore. whew! dodged a bullet there.
oh, i think he stopped screaming... now he's just crying and whining. it's a small step but i'll take it.
ugh. losing weight is hard, y'all. and i know it's the time of year for it and talking about it is cliche and not exciting or new in the least, but it is what it is. it's a bis-natch.
i still have 16 pounds to go, thanks to the 2 pounds i put on in the last 12 days and it just seems like a hopelessly dark tunnel with no Scooby Doo nightlight at the end.
in leu of Scooby Doo, there is an Orc horde clad in battle armor and cake, threatening my diet and exercise regime and my very life. plus Orcs are smelly, so boo.
my hair is immortal. i know this because it has stopped growing and is in a constant state of unchanging Annoying Lengthitude. not quite long enough to put in a ponytail, not short enough to be considered "pixie" or "cute" or "un-barfy".
as a result of these two grievances i feel completely bummed out by anyone with a rockin' non-post-partum body and/or long hair.
sweet Jesus he's screeching again.
i go up and "check" on him and that just seems to make it worse cuz he sees me and cried louder as if to say "MOMMY WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOOVE ME, I JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUUUU". and then i feel like a dipshit parent when i leave him to let him cry it out.
ugh. why can't he just sleep through the night like a normal 10 month old baby.
my cats missed me while i was on vacation. i know this because every time i sit or lay down they are there, pinning my legs down and demanding all of my cuddles and pets. also they try to claw through Ronin's door when i'm in there with it shut.which does NOT help Ronin fall asleep.
i tried some yoga today. i did 5 or so different difficult positions and held them for 30-45 seconds each. i only did one circuit of them though because the laundry had to get done at some point so we could get it off of the bed and sleep. i'll do at least two rounds tomor.... i mean later today. you know when someone says "where does the time go"? well it goes right here.
Good News Everyone; i've found all of the extra time that you've lost. it's right here waiting for you in the "waiting for Ronin to go back to sleep so i can go back to sleep" space-time continuum. please pick it up at your earliest convenience.
Observant Observations:
1. our waitress at Ruby Tuesdays on Sunday evening looked like a poor copy of Ellen Page. in fact i nearly called her Ellen Page while she was walking around with our queso dip and chips, looking utterly lost like she was still stuck in Inception and there was no Leornardo to save her or whatever. (never saw the movie, just guessing at it's premise.)
2. businesses that "cut costs" by turning off the heat in the bathrooms should be tried as criminals in a court of law. sure it's fine for the men that have to take a squirt, but us lady-folk have to squat to pee on those ice cold toilet seats and it's deplorable.
3. aparentely if you "like" a whole bunch of webpages on Facebook just so that you can slap your blog's URL on it once a day everyday it is considered "abuse" and you're banned from doing it anymore. just a heads up. i guess i'll have to find another way to get the word out. where else can i do my digital graffiti? hmm...
4. it's funny how my husband tries to seduce me by making me laugh so hard that i nearly pee myself, and then he gets all in a huff because i get a bad case of the giggles while we're making love. i'm not laughing at him at all, just the Russian voice and the awkward gyrating bouncy dance he does to try and "get me hot". i love that man.
5. i saw a beautiful white and gold owl in the middle of the road while we were driving back home to Georgia from Virginia on Sunday. Deer? sure. Rabbit? of course. Armadillo- the state bird of Texas? absolutely. but an Owl? now that's a first.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Krista The Texan Christmas Flatworm
new year, new blog post. it's only fair.
i've not been good. it's funny how the opposite of Self Control is two acts of Loss Of Self Control. so i guess it all evens out. i really do need to think about finding a way to help myself stop purging. it's just not good for my teeth. and eventually i'm going to sound like a chain smoker cuz my esophagus will be ripped up beyond repair.
and that's not good at all.
but anyway. that's not really what i want to focus on. it doesn't make for a good read and definitely doesn't conjure up any laughs. well.... it might if you're more messed up than i am. so laugh at the fact that you know what i'm going through. laugh at the irony. but if you're just laughing at me to be a meanie then go screw yourself.
switching gears.
i love going on vacation. i love traveling and seeing family. and i love my son and husband.
i'd say the best part of seeing family is that they love to play with my little guy and i get to have my hands free!! now, i know i probably should have used the "free hands" to write blogs.... but i decided to read instead.
i never get to read.
what was my book of choice? why, the last book in the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn. i thoroughly enjoy the series, even though my hubby has labeled it as "garbage". only joking of course, but that's cuz he's a bum and hasn't read them and likes to rib on me.
i think the only thing i'd change about the whole Twilight experience is the movies. what were they thinking? Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart? really? both of them can barely act. sure maybe the Pattinson kid is cute but not what i envisioned at all while reading the books. maybe they should have gotten that Efron guy. and i'd definitely rather watch Emma Stone as Bella. she's way cuter and a better actress.
anyway, those are my first draft picks.
i'm watching Vampires Suck right now and it's... dumb.
Mike and i got two tickets to go see the Nutcracker Ballet for Christmas. Awesome. we had a lovely night...
Hide And Seek D.C. Part Two, or, Krista the Texan Christmas Flatworm.
we headed off to the Metro to head to downtown D.C.
while waiting in the freezing cold and tiny-falling-snow for the train we thought it might be fun to play Hide and Seek D.C.
for all of you that haven't read the particular previous post, Hide and Seek D.C. is when we both hop on the Metro, and then Mike tries to shove me out of the moving train onto the tracks. i then have the option to either try to find him as he roams around D.C, find my way back to the house on foot, or i can become Queen of the Bums and reign over D.C.'s down-and-out-society.
so Mike fake-tiny-shoved me towards the tracks, and i responded with "i don't want to play Flat-Worms right now"!
Mike - "what is Flatworms?"
"it's where you lay down across the tracks and you get reeeeeally flat so when the train comes you don't get hurt as it runs you over"
"so you're a flatworm now, are you?"
"yes. i'm a flatworm. a Christmas flatworm."
"a Texan Christmas flatworm..."
we eventually boarded the metro and found ourselves amongst a few bums. Mike was pretty sure i was going to just take the option of becoming Queen of the Bums, so we discussed which one i'd probably run off with.
(ok. this isn't much fun as a play by play; so i'm going to just go with action snippets.)
went to a restaurant across from the ballet theatre that promised food, libation and merriment.
looked up the definition of libation.
decided that libation sounded pretty good.
ordered a riesling.
saw that they had Macaroni Lollipops as an appetizer.
so... what is a Macaroni Lollipop?
is it an elbow macaroni shaped piece of candy on a stick?
or a ball of macaroni and cheese on a stick?
why hadn't i heard of these before?
Mike said he hid their existance from me for my own good.
saw two ballerinas gettin' their drink on in the next booth.
ate one of the best cheeseburgers i've ever had.
headed over to the theatre for the ballet.
got a 9 dollar plastic cup of chardonnay.
proceeded to get a little sloppy during the first act.
decided that i missed ballet; the sore muscles, the performing, the bloody toes from pointe shoes - all of it.
on the metro going home, i found a pair of leather gloves with cashmere lining.
Mike told me I should leave them because they were probably riddled with AIDS.
i proceeded to chase him through the empty metro car trying to accost him with my new-found AIDS gloves that i was fearlessly wearing.
got back out to our car and cursed Virginia for not having snowed enough.
there was only a slight frosting of snow on the car.
barely enought to write obscenities in.
got home, got out of the car, went to bed.
the next morning i found that somehow i'd already lost one of my AIDS gloves. which is really really sad because i loved those poor homeless gloves.
Mike started saying that it was probably for the best and yada-yada, and i put my back against the kitchen wall and started flatworming; i got all pressed against the wall and flat and made this stretched look with my face...
to the untrained eye it might have looked like a vertical seizure.
Mike tried to pull me out of it, but i informed him that i could not hear him due to having no ears; being a flatworm and all.
this turned into one of my new favorite sayings.
"can't hear you, i'm a flatworm!"
New Year's Eve was fun.
we went over to Mike's friend's house.
we brought a plastic tub of watermelon, 2 cheese logs, a ziploc bag of scrambled eggs, and 2 slices of american cheese. you know, being good party guests.
i also brought an empty Mountain Dew can so that i could drink my wine without the fear of spilling it while i made wild hand gestures, as i am want to do.
i knew most of the people there; i'd met most of them before.
but after about 20 minutes, all the guys went and bogarted the TVs to play their stupid video games.
which left us three girls alone.
with nothing to do but stand in the kitchen and eat.
and get fat.
we had nothing to do.
there weren't even any playing cards.
so, after my second Mountain Dew can of wine, i asked Mike to drive us ladies to go get some playing cards since everyone else at the party was completely ignoring us and i didn't want to stand around like a bowl of congealing oatmeal while the guys had fun.
we ended up getting a HUGE bottle of Riesling, a Hello Kitty coloring/activity book, crayons, puppy playing cards, Andes peppermint candies, and Apples to Apples.
we spend the next three hours at the kitched table drinking, singing Backstreet Boys songs, and coloring pages out of the Hello Kitty book.
the pictures ended up having boobies drawn onto Hello Kitty, a lesbian sex scene on the page that was mostly blank with the instructions to "draw a scene from your favorite movie" (ergo, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis getting frisky in Black Swan), and Hello Kitty serving tea walking across a blue rug with a giant penis on it.
the children's coloring book pages got racier as the evening wore on.
we tried to play Asshole, but were too tipsy to remember the rules so we gave up on the cards and ended up inviting the boys to play Apples to Apples after the midnight count-down.
i smoked 2 cigarettes. i don't often get the urge to smoke, but that night i felt like it. that brings the Grand Cigarette Total up to four whole cigarettes in my entire life.
so today, i'm nursing a bit of a hangover and missing the days when i could just sleep all the time.
i feel like i should make New Year's Resolutions.
usually, i pick these out in October or so of the previous year, but i procrastinated a bit, or so it seems, so i'll just have to come up with a few on the spot here.
Krista's New Year's Resolutions for 2011:
1. Lose 15 pounds; that will put me around roughly 125.
2. Take time to read at least a book a month.
3. I will NOT cut my hair this year; i will resist the urge.
4. Try new things every week (go vegetarian one week, spend a week without tv, a week without sugar, etc.)
5. Cook with more variety; seems like Mike and I stick to the same 10 or so meals and it's boring.
goodnight my friends; and Happy New Year!
i've not been good. it's funny how the opposite of Self Control is two acts of Loss Of Self Control. so i guess it all evens out. i really do need to think about finding a way to help myself stop purging. it's just not good for my teeth. and eventually i'm going to sound like a chain smoker cuz my esophagus will be ripped up beyond repair.
and that's not good at all.
but anyway. that's not really what i want to focus on. it doesn't make for a good read and definitely doesn't conjure up any laughs. well.... it might if you're more messed up than i am. so laugh at the fact that you know what i'm going through. laugh at the irony. but if you're just laughing at me to be a meanie then go screw yourself.
switching gears.
i love going on vacation. i love traveling and seeing family. and i love my son and husband.
i'd say the best part of seeing family is that they love to play with my little guy and i get to have my hands free!! now, i know i probably should have used the "free hands" to write blogs.... but i decided to read instead.
i never get to read.
what was my book of choice? why, the last book in the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn. i thoroughly enjoy the series, even though my hubby has labeled it as "garbage". only joking of course, but that's cuz he's a bum and hasn't read them and likes to rib on me.
i think the only thing i'd change about the whole Twilight experience is the movies. what were they thinking? Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart? really? both of them can barely act. sure maybe the Pattinson kid is cute but not what i envisioned at all while reading the books. maybe they should have gotten that Efron guy. and i'd definitely rather watch Emma Stone as Bella. she's way cuter and a better actress.
anyway, those are my first draft picks.
i'm watching Vampires Suck right now and it's... dumb.
Mike and i got two tickets to go see the Nutcracker Ballet for Christmas. Awesome. we had a lovely night...
Hide And Seek D.C. Part Two, or, Krista the Texan Christmas Flatworm.
we headed off to the Metro to head to downtown D.C.
while waiting in the freezing cold and tiny-falling-snow for the train we thought it might be fun to play Hide and Seek D.C.
for all of you that haven't read the particular previous post, Hide and Seek D.C. is when we both hop on the Metro, and then Mike tries to shove me out of the moving train onto the tracks. i then have the option to either try to find him as he roams around D.C, find my way back to the house on foot, or i can become Queen of the Bums and reign over D.C.'s down-and-out-society.
so Mike fake-tiny-shoved me towards the tracks, and i responded with "i don't want to play Flat-Worms right now"!
Mike - "what is Flatworms?"
"it's where you lay down across the tracks and you get reeeeeally flat so when the train comes you don't get hurt as it runs you over"
"so you're a flatworm now, are you?"
"yes. i'm a flatworm. a Christmas flatworm."
"a Texan Christmas flatworm..."
we eventually boarded the metro and found ourselves amongst a few bums. Mike was pretty sure i was going to just take the option of becoming Queen of the Bums, so we discussed which one i'd probably run off with.
(ok. this isn't much fun as a play by play; so i'm going to just go with action snippets.)
went to a restaurant across from the ballet theatre that promised food, libation and merriment.
looked up the definition of libation.
decided that libation sounded pretty good.
ordered a riesling.
saw that they had Macaroni Lollipops as an appetizer.
so... what is a Macaroni Lollipop?
is it an elbow macaroni shaped piece of candy on a stick?
or a ball of macaroni and cheese on a stick?
why hadn't i heard of these before?
Mike said he hid their existance from me for my own good.
saw two ballerinas gettin' their drink on in the next booth.
ate one of the best cheeseburgers i've ever had.
headed over to the theatre for the ballet.
got a 9 dollar plastic cup of chardonnay.
proceeded to get a little sloppy during the first act.
decided that i missed ballet; the sore muscles, the performing, the bloody toes from pointe shoes - all of it.
on the metro going home, i found a pair of leather gloves with cashmere lining.
Mike told me I should leave them because they were probably riddled with AIDS.
i proceeded to chase him through the empty metro car trying to accost him with my new-found AIDS gloves that i was fearlessly wearing.
got back out to our car and cursed Virginia for not having snowed enough.
there was only a slight frosting of snow on the car.
barely enought to write obscenities in.
got home, got out of the car, went to bed.
the next morning i found that somehow i'd already lost one of my AIDS gloves. which is really really sad because i loved those poor homeless gloves.
Mike started saying that it was probably for the best and yada-yada, and i put my back against the kitchen wall and started flatworming; i got all pressed against the wall and flat and made this stretched look with my face...
to the untrained eye it might have looked like a vertical seizure.
Mike tried to pull me out of it, but i informed him that i could not hear him due to having no ears; being a flatworm and all.
this turned into one of my new favorite sayings.
"can't hear you, i'm a flatworm!"
New Year's Eve was fun.
we went over to Mike's friend's house.
we brought a plastic tub of watermelon, 2 cheese logs, a ziploc bag of scrambled eggs, and 2 slices of american cheese. you know, being good party guests.
i also brought an empty Mountain Dew can so that i could drink my wine without the fear of spilling it while i made wild hand gestures, as i am want to do.
i knew most of the people there; i'd met most of them before.
but after about 20 minutes, all the guys went and bogarted the TVs to play their stupid video games.
which left us three girls alone.
with nothing to do but stand in the kitchen and eat.
and get fat.
we had nothing to do.
there weren't even any playing cards.
so, after my second Mountain Dew can of wine, i asked Mike to drive us ladies to go get some playing cards since everyone else at the party was completely ignoring us and i didn't want to stand around like a bowl of congealing oatmeal while the guys had fun.
we ended up getting a HUGE bottle of Riesling, a Hello Kitty coloring/activity book, crayons, puppy playing cards, Andes peppermint candies, and Apples to Apples.
we spend the next three hours at the kitched table drinking, singing Backstreet Boys songs, and coloring pages out of the Hello Kitty book.
the pictures ended up having boobies drawn onto Hello Kitty, a lesbian sex scene on the page that was mostly blank with the instructions to "draw a scene from your favorite movie" (ergo, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis getting frisky in Black Swan), and Hello Kitty serving tea walking across a blue rug with a giant penis on it.
the children's coloring book pages got racier as the evening wore on.
we tried to play Asshole, but were too tipsy to remember the rules so we gave up on the cards and ended up inviting the boys to play Apples to Apples after the midnight count-down.
i smoked 2 cigarettes. i don't often get the urge to smoke, but that night i felt like it. that brings the Grand Cigarette Total up to four whole cigarettes in my entire life.
so today, i'm nursing a bit of a hangover and missing the days when i could just sleep all the time.
i feel like i should make New Year's Resolutions.
usually, i pick these out in October or so of the previous year, but i procrastinated a bit, or so it seems, so i'll just have to come up with a few on the spot here.
Krista's New Year's Resolutions for 2011:
1. Lose 15 pounds; that will put me around roughly 125.
2. Take time to read at least a book a month.
3. I will NOT cut my hair this year; i will resist the urge.
4. Try new things every week (go vegetarian one week, spend a week without tv, a week without sugar, etc.)
5. Cook with more variety; seems like Mike and I stick to the same 10 or so meals and it's boring.
goodnight my friends; and Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Fruit Loop Mamma Jamma Root Beer Float
Sean Combs must have an incredibly boring life. He changes his name with alarming frequency. Now he's calling himself Diddy Dirty Money, or some variant of that.
I get bored sometimes. Perhaps I should change my name. Maybe..... Malificent? like that evil witch lady on Sleeping Beauty. Or I could be Fruit Loop Mamma Jamma Root Beer Float. Yeah. Let's just go with that one.
Call me Root Beer Float.
The Root Beer Float.
So today The Root Beer Float decided that she was waaaaaaaaaaaay too tired to be trusted with everyday tasks such as "driving" or "making decisions" or "packing the diaper bag properly". Today I feel so tired that I almost feel drunk. You know that feeling, where everything is funny and the word "magnet" sends you into hysterics and fits of giggles.
My husband and I are talking about how I want to have awesome birthday parties for our son, and he, not listening says "birthing parties? you want to have birthing parties"? At this point, i rolled up a sock and a soiled bib and threw them violently in his direction for not paying enough attention to what I was saying. I feel like my point would have come across with more force and effect if my aim was better. I didn't hit him with either projectile. It wasn't even close. How sad.
I'm kind of sad that when I was pregnant with my son that my belly button didn't pop out.
I'm starting not to be proud of the decisions that I'm making so I think it's time for bed.
Goodnight y'all.
Sorry for tonight's let down. At least I feel let down.
I get bored sometimes. Perhaps I should change my name. Maybe..... Malificent? like that evil witch lady on Sleeping Beauty. Or I could be Fruit Loop Mamma Jamma Root Beer Float. Yeah. Let's just go with that one.
Call me Root Beer Float.
The Root Beer Float.
So today The Root Beer Float decided that she was waaaaaaaaaaaay too tired to be trusted with everyday tasks such as "driving" or "making decisions" or "packing the diaper bag properly". Today I feel so tired that I almost feel drunk. You know that feeling, where everything is funny and the word "magnet" sends you into hysterics and fits of giggles.
My husband and I are talking about how I want to have awesome birthday parties for our son, and he, not listening says "birthing parties? you want to have birthing parties"? At this point, i rolled up a sock and a soiled bib and threw them violently in his direction for not paying enough attention to what I was saying. I feel like my point would have come across with more force and effect if my aim was better. I didn't hit him with either projectile. It wasn't even close. How sad.
I'm kind of sad that when I was pregnant with my son that my belly button didn't pop out.
I'm starting not to be proud of the decisions that I'm making so I think it's time for bed.
Goodnight y'all.
Sorry for tonight's let down. At least I feel let down.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
getting my Julie Andrews on
i'm inspired today to list some of my favorite things about life. now, this is by no means all of them, and they are not in order. and away we go:
1. Unicorns. there's something soothing about a majestic, gentle creature that has a large deadly spike sprouting from it's cranium. like it could hand you a bag of jellybeans and if you didn't say "thank you" then it would impale your ungrateful ass. it's beauty and justice all in one glittering package.
2. Things that are orange, except for oranges. I'm talking Oompa Loompas, Goldfish crackers, traffic cones, Dreamsicles, it's all good. True story; once after a concert i heisted an orange traffic cone from the parking lot. my plan was to put it in my room, maybe put some flowers in the top like it was some kind of Department Of Transportation vase. You know, dress up my room; make it real classy. However, my parents- who were clearly disappointed that I'd failed to learn that "stealing is wrong" lectured me into a guilty stupor, and the next day after church i drove the hour and a half to the parking lot and put it back. when i got there all of it's little friends were gone, though, so i just kind of did a drive-by-cone-plop and hightailed it out of there. Moral of the Story: love your traffic cones, but love them from a distance.
3. Squeezing pimples. ok. sure, maybe it's disgusting but there is something wholly satisfying about watching a stream of icky white/yellow/orange/black goo come out and knowing that that pore is now free to breathe. i'm sorry, i probably made some of you throw up a little bit in your mouths just then. i'll wait for you to rinse your mouth and get control over your heaves..... doo do do dodo doooo.... ok.
4. Spinach. i used to put heaping mounds of boiled spinach on my fork and then pretend that i was a brontosaurus eating sea plants while i munched it, letting the leaves hand out of my mouth. i was happy, but i'm sure my parents were giving themselves Facepalms and turning shades of red from embarassment. i had no qualms with Dinosaur Eating in public places; i did it often.
5. People Watching. My favorite place for this activity is probably Wal-Mart. you get all kinds of crazy people at Wal-Mart. Dreadlocked white boys that look like they're having a bad acid trip, spandex clad would be Biggest Loser contestants, oodles of crying children, obviously drunken underage high school kids trying desperately to "rein it in", ritsy rich ladies looking frantic and hurrying to get their Nyquil or what-have-you and get out of there, and of course at least 10 people that look like they could probably die at any moment scooting along in those powered wheelchair/vespa hybrids that they hand out at the front door. It's a veritable Mecca for oddness. and definite proof that America is in fact a melting pot of people and culture. so in a way, Wal-Mart is the most patriotic store i know. it goes America all over everyone's asses. with low prices. and a smorgasbord of smells from rotting milk to fresh bread to ripe, ripe college students that really really need to bathe themselves.
6. Really fat cats. i'm not talking italian mobster "cats", but actual fat cats. like, prop themselves against the wall in sitting position so they can breathe cats. what can i say, a Garfieldesque kitteh is ok by me. they're all lazy and cuddly and too mellowed out to worry about climbing onto the top of the fridge to knock your glass vases onto the floor to get revenge on you for not feeding them "on time". they just tucker out on the floor or your lap and lapse into a comatose state. it's all of the Cuddle and Fluff and none of the Cat Scratch Fever or Make My Day Biting. perhaps i should change my kitties diets from their healthy cat food to a steady diet of brownies and lasagna. hmm. maybe i should change my diet to brownies and lasanga. then all i'd need is to find someone that can turn me into a cat. maybe a plastic surgeon. the one that did this:
7. Ninja Cupcakes. well, cupcakes in general. all cupcakes. my favorite are extra-moist-orange-vanilla-cupcakes-with-a-surprise-maraschino-cherry-center-and-lemon-frosting. however, Ninja cupcakes are both deadly, and delicious.
Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:
1. The baby books say i should try and get Ronin to fall asleep on his own in his crib but that just sounds exhausting. Maybe i'm too lazy. it's so much easier to just let him fall asleep in my arms and then move him to his crib. this "parent" stuff is rough. awesome, but rough.
2. i'm in the 130s!! today i weigh 138.8 and i'm excited. my hope is to be at 135 by Christmas next weekend. y'all wish me luck!
3. a fish is not a duck. no matter what they say on the Travel Channel.
4. to quote a wonderful wonderful ladyfriend and reader of mine, "Qristyl" does not equal "Crystal" and if you think that it does, you are an idiot and should rethink becoming a parent.
5. the sound of my feet rubbing across my bedsheets is akin to the sound that velcro makes when it's pulled apart. i should probably get on that and fix it. fix it until it's fixed.
6. Taylor Swift is great and everything, but she is death to my creative processes. i can hardly think with her chipper twang in my ears. gotta switch back to Deathcab.
7. i think that i might be able to master the tuba. it doesn't seem that difficult. i think i might need to be a bit more "surly" though. or "portly".
8. i think that maybe i'll try and be a vegetarian for a week, see what my body thinks about it.
9. i can make a better subway-style sandwich at home than at the actual Subway. and for pennies on the dollar, or however that expression goes. now if i could just keep my cat Mischief from stealing the sliced turkey from out of it when i'm not looking. that cat is appropriately named.
10. it's hard to have thoughts sometimes. just in general. more-so, ones that actually have clout or meaning. geez that's a funny word. clout.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!! leave comments, i love to hear them.
1. Unicorns. there's something soothing about a majestic, gentle creature that has a large deadly spike sprouting from it's cranium. like it could hand you a bag of jellybeans and if you didn't say "thank you" then it would impale your ungrateful ass. it's beauty and justice all in one glittering package.
2. Things that are orange, except for oranges. I'm talking Oompa Loompas, Goldfish crackers, traffic cones, Dreamsicles, it's all good. True story; once after a concert i heisted an orange traffic cone from the parking lot. my plan was to put it in my room, maybe put some flowers in the top like it was some kind of Department Of Transportation vase. You know, dress up my room; make it real classy. However, my parents- who were clearly disappointed that I'd failed to learn that "stealing is wrong" lectured me into a guilty stupor, and the next day after church i drove the hour and a half to the parking lot and put it back. when i got there all of it's little friends were gone, though, so i just kind of did a drive-by-cone-plop and hightailed it out of there. Moral of the Story: love your traffic cones, but love them from a distance.
3. Squeezing pimples. ok. sure, maybe it's disgusting but there is something wholly satisfying about watching a stream of icky white/yellow/orange/black goo come out and knowing that that pore is now free to breathe. i'm sorry, i probably made some of you throw up a little bit in your mouths just then. i'll wait for you to rinse your mouth and get control over your heaves..... doo do do dodo doooo.... ok.
4. Spinach. i used to put heaping mounds of boiled spinach on my fork and then pretend that i was a brontosaurus eating sea plants while i munched it, letting the leaves hand out of my mouth. i was happy, but i'm sure my parents were giving themselves Facepalms and turning shades of red from embarassment. i had no qualms with Dinosaur Eating in public places; i did it often.
5. People Watching. My favorite place for this activity is probably Wal-Mart. you get all kinds of crazy people at Wal-Mart. Dreadlocked white boys that look like they're having a bad acid trip, spandex clad would be Biggest Loser contestants, oodles of crying children, obviously drunken underage high school kids trying desperately to "rein it in", ritsy rich ladies looking frantic and hurrying to get their Nyquil or what-have-you and get out of there, and of course at least 10 people that look like they could probably die at any moment scooting along in those powered wheelchair/vespa hybrids that they hand out at the front door. It's a veritable Mecca for oddness. and definite proof that America is in fact a melting pot of people and culture. so in a way, Wal-Mart is the most patriotic store i know. it goes America all over everyone's asses. with low prices. and a smorgasbord of smells from rotting milk to fresh bread to ripe, ripe college students that really really need to bathe themselves.
6. Really fat cats. i'm not talking italian mobster "cats", but actual fat cats. like, prop themselves against the wall in sitting position so they can breathe cats. what can i say, a Garfieldesque kitteh is ok by me. they're all lazy and cuddly and too mellowed out to worry about climbing onto the top of the fridge to knock your glass vases onto the floor to get revenge on you for not feeding them "on time". they just tucker out on the floor or your lap and lapse into a comatose state. it's all of the Cuddle and Fluff and none of the Cat Scratch Fever or Make My Day Biting. perhaps i should change my kitties diets from their healthy cat food to a steady diet of brownies and lasagna. hmm. maybe i should change my diet to brownies and lasanga. then all i'd need is to find someone that can turn me into a cat. maybe a plastic surgeon. the one that did this:
Krista's Thoughts Before Bedtime:
1. The baby books say i should try and get Ronin to fall asleep on his own in his crib but that just sounds exhausting. Maybe i'm too lazy. it's so much easier to just let him fall asleep in my arms and then move him to his crib. this "parent" stuff is rough. awesome, but rough.
2. i'm in the 130s!! today i weigh 138.8 and i'm excited. my hope is to be at 135 by Christmas next weekend. y'all wish me luck!
3. a fish is not a duck. no matter what they say on the Travel Channel.
4. to quote a wonderful wonderful ladyfriend and reader of mine, "Qristyl" does not equal "Crystal" and if you think that it does, you are an idiot and should rethink becoming a parent.
5. the sound of my feet rubbing across my bedsheets is akin to the sound that velcro makes when it's pulled apart. i should probably get on that and fix it. fix it until it's fixed.
6. Taylor Swift is great and everything, but she is death to my creative processes. i can hardly think with her chipper twang in my ears. gotta switch back to Deathcab.
7. i think that i might be able to master the tuba. it doesn't seem that difficult. i think i might need to be a bit more "surly" though. or "portly".
8. i think that maybe i'll try and be a vegetarian for a week, see what my body thinks about it.
9. i can make a better subway-style sandwich at home than at the actual Subway. and for pennies on the dollar, or however that expression goes. now if i could just keep my cat Mischief from stealing the sliced turkey from out of it when i'm not looking. that cat is appropriately named.
10. it's hard to have thoughts sometimes. just in general. more-so, ones that actually have clout or meaning. geez that's a funny word. clout.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!! leave comments, i love to hear them.
61
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Argentina
Aruba
Austrailia
Austria
Belarus
Belgium
Brazil
Bulgaria
Canada
Chile
Croatia
Czech Republic
Cyprus
Denmark
Ecuador
Finland
France
Georgia
Germany
Greece
Guatemala
Hong Kong
Hungary
Iceland
India
Iran
Iraq
Ireland
Israel
Italy
Japan
Lebanon
Malaysia
Mexico
Moldova
Netherlands
Nepal
New Zealand
Nicaragua
Philippines
Poland
Portugal
Romania
Russia
Serbia
Singapore
Slovakia
Slovenia
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
Switzerland
Taiwan
Thailand
Trinidad and Tobago
Turkey
Ukraine
United Kingdom
United States
Venezuela
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Just kidding!
google adsense is still a punk so i'm going to keep this blog after all.
so DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!
love,
Krista
so DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!
love,
Krista
Saturday, December 11, 2010
the root of all emo.
you know, sometimes when i sit down to write these it's a tad scary. i put my fingertips to the keys and in my mind i hear "oh God, what do you figure will spill out of me now? for heaven's sake, don't write about your mutant urethra, don't write about your mutant urethra, don't write about your mutant urethra..."
that's the feeling i have tonight. but i'm listening to Jimmy Eat World and Mumford & Sons and drinking me a chilled glass of riesling so i don't really care. i'm happy and by George that's all that matters.
i think that perchance i went a teensy bit overboard at the gym today. i spent.... too much time on the running contraptions; i burned over 800 calories. i was going to go for 1,000 but i figured i might snap into full-blown anorexo-limia if i did so i exercised (ha, pun!) great restraint and called it quits at 800. i was watching America's Next Top Model. what can i say, i like watching those skinny bitches quarrel while i sweat. somehow it makes me feel like a better person knowing that i don't throw hissy fits because someone stole a granola bar from me.
i love me some Jimmy Eat World. little did i know, until i read the band bio the other day that these guys INVENTED emo music. i mean, it makes sense. they are very clearly geniuses. and every year at this time, i bring them to the forefront of my Ipod along with my Death Cab for Cutie, Snow Patrol and Fiona Apple and we slip into sweet brooding melancholy together. also i eat too much sugar. but it's part of the Fall/PreWinter personality transformation. ya gotta trust the process.
speaking of which, i got a new Ipod. it's teensy and neon pink (hopefully an eye-catching color so i won't lose it), and cute. i need a good name for it. i'm thinking Shrinky Pinkton. please send your ideas and votes to Ldskrista03@yahoo.com
cute, huh? yeah.
oh cool. i can add pictures to my blog. * must keep in mind to use in future *
10 Reasons I Win At Life Today:
1. I parked at the far end of the Target parking lot today and ran to it. Health Win!
2. I was able to get Ronin to sleep the second time in less than 5 minutes.
3. I did not get stabbed today.
4. I did not stab anyone today. Even though Mike thought it would be funny to pour ice cold water on my head while i was in the shower. I have other ways of punishing him.... but I did not stab him.
5. I did not spontaneously combust today.
6. I paid $41 for a new Ipod shuffle. not. too. shabby. however, in retrospect, it doesn't fit my car radio adapter or my Bose Ipod speaker..... shyte. pish. balls.
7. I decided that my new curse word of choice would be "balls". and i've used it with a satisfying frequency today; because yes, it is very possible to overuse the word "balls".
8. i'm still trying to muscle my way through this glass of riesling. it's kicking my butt. seems like after every sip i take it magically refills and laughs at me. which is just plain impolite. what a rude glass of wine. carmudgeony vino.
9. i let a Land Rover into traffic ahead of me. i usually scoff at expensive cars and tell them to buzz off, but i was feeling generous today.
10. oh, i forgot. i have a bar of chocolate in the pantry. that goes well with white wine, right? i should go masticate that, on the pronto. right now. right away. without delay. ahora.
keep it real, my friends. sorry this one wasn't funny. i'll do better next time. feel free to send me suggestions, topics, questions, disses, curses, or recommendations to my email, Ldskrista03@yahoo.com , or to my facebook page (krista hinds custer) or here as a comment.
love, peace, and expensive goose grease.
that's the feeling i have tonight. but i'm listening to Jimmy Eat World and Mumford & Sons and drinking me a chilled glass of riesling so i don't really care. i'm happy and by George that's all that matters.
i think that perchance i went a teensy bit overboard at the gym today. i spent.... too much time on the running contraptions; i burned over 800 calories. i was going to go for 1,000 but i figured i might snap into full-blown anorexo-limia if i did so i exercised (ha, pun!) great restraint and called it quits at 800. i was watching America's Next Top Model. what can i say, i like watching those skinny bitches quarrel while i sweat. somehow it makes me feel like a better person knowing that i don't throw hissy fits because someone stole a granola bar from me.
i love me some Jimmy Eat World. little did i know, until i read the band bio the other day that these guys INVENTED emo music. i mean, it makes sense. they are very clearly geniuses. and every year at this time, i bring them to the forefront of my Ipod along with my Death Cab for Cutie, Snow Patrol and Fiona Apple and we slip into sweet brooding melancholy together. also i eat too much sugar. but it's part of the Fall/PreWinter personality transformation. ya gotta trust the process.
speaking of which, i got a new Ipod. it's teensy and neon pink (hopefully an eye-catching color so i won't lose it), and cute. i need a good name for it. i'm thinking Shrinky Pinkton. please send your ideas and votes to Ldskrista03@yahoo.com
oh cool. i can add pictures to my blog. * must keep in mind to use in future *
10 Reasons I Win At Life Today:
1. I parked at the far end of the Target parking lot today and ran to it. Health Win!
2. I was able to get Ronin to sleep the second time in less than 5 minutes.
3. I did not get stabbed today.
4. I did not stab anyone today. Even though Mike thought it would be funny to pour ice cold water on my head while i was in the shower. I have other ways of punishing him.... but I did not stab him.
5. I did not spontaneously combust today.
6. I paid $41 for a new Ipod shuffle. not. too. shabby. however, in retrospect, it doesn't fit my car radio adapter or my Bose Ipod speaker..... shyte. pish. balls.
7. I decided that my new curse word of choice would be "balls". and i've used it with a satisfying frequency today; because yes, it is very possible to overuse the word "balls".
8. i'm still trying to muscle my way through this glass of riesling. it's kicking my butt. seems like after every sip i take it magically refills and laughs at me. which is just plain impolite. what a rude glass of wine. carmudgeony vino.
9. i let a Land Rover into traffic ahead of me. i usually scoff at expensive cars and tell them to buzz off, but i was feeling generous today.
10. oh, i forgot. i have a bar of chocolate in the pantry. that goes well with white wine, right? i should go masticate that, on the pronto. right now. right away. without delay. ahora.
keep it real, my friends. sorry this one wasn't funny. i'll do better next time. feel free to send me suggestions, topics, questions, disses, curses, or recommendations to my email, Ldskrista03@yahoo.com , or to my facebook page (krista hinds custer) or here as a comment.
love, peace, and expensive goose grease.
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