so as a social hermit i watch a bit too much tv. lately, i've become very critical of and disgusted with commercials. especially ones that try too hard. let me explain.
there's a commercial on tv for a "touchless" hand soap pump. their pitch is that the pump for the traditional bottle of hand soap is rife with bacteria and it's like, totally gross and junk. so they push this automatic soap releasing device on you. which is great if you're marketing to baboons who don't really think about it.
the problem is, i think about it. sure, i can get soap without actually touching the pump, but oh Lordie Lordie what the hell am i supposed to do when i go to turn on the water??? not only will it be germy from me turning it on, but after i've scrubbed and rinsed then i'll have to touch it again to turn it off! this completely undoes all the fervent lathering that i'd been doing for the last 30 seconds.
i also find it .... not funny, maybe peculiar when the TV Warlords try to sell us cooking shows by using violence in the previews. the man squeezing the orange half on the juicer while giving the audience the Stank Eye isn't fooling anyone. it's cooking for fuck's sake. how dramatic could it possibly be?
in other news...
i may be a monster for saying this... but today's excursion to wal-mart felt like i was trapped in an episode of "let's go shopping with my ugly ugly children". it was frightening. too many pudgy amorphous offspring that looked like they'd had too many funnel cakes and big macs for lunch. and i'm almost certain that there was at least one poor child whose mommy and daddy had probably grown up in the same house... with the same last name... and the same parents. (please say you got it, i'd hate to just have to come right out and say it.)
seriously though, it was scary. i almost felt like shielding my beautiful angel baby, making a run for the butter and eggs, breezing through the self check out, and then bolting for the sweet freedom of daylight beyond the heavily accented Wal-Mart Door Greeter.
yep. i'm probably a monster.
at least i'm a monster with freshly painted fingernails. "key-yoot!!"
Krista's Tip of the Day:
Brush up on your American Sign Language. or at least how to say "keep your hands and any other body parts off of my darling perfect child" in several languages. you may find these skills extremely useful the next time you find yourself sandwiched between two... let's call them Foreigners, cuz Illegals sounds a bit harsh...... on a very crowded flight from Houston to El Paso. this way, when Senorita goes to grab your child's hand to hold and kiss it you can nip her overly-friendly-and-politely-pushy behavior in the proverbial bud. heaven only knows what germs and diseases people carry, let alone ones that you find in the Airborne Cess-Pool otherwise known as a 3 hour Southwest Airlines flight.
it's either that, or saran-wrap your child. or put him in a bubble a la Jake Gylellenhal in Bubble Boy. or bring a can of Lysol with you on the plane and coat your seat neighbors in a Cloud of Cleanliness before the plane takes off in order to ensure that they don't pass any Bird-Swine-Hep C-AIDS-Chlamydia-Syphillis-Flu-Pneumonia to your little one.
a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.
Loving the blog, Krista! Tash told me I should come check it out and it's hilarious! Why is walmart a cesspool of disgusting overweight and not to mention sweaty people. My favorite is when you go at night and you see the "foreigners" slapping their children and yelling "shutup" in the tupperware aisle. Couldn't the tupperware wait till the morning? My mom told me a story of when she was flying with my baby brother. The woman sitting next to her asked if she could hold him. My mom willingly handed over her child and proceeded to keep her other hooligan children from tripping the stewardess. When she looked over and saw the woman sucking on each of Craig's fingers, one by one. I think my mother should have been armed with a can of lysol for that one.
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